Violent Heart
by DesertDragon
Summary: Kaylee/Jayne. An incident on a trade planet induces some strange changes in Jayne, and they have quite the effect on Kaylee, putting her in the line of fire when things turn violent.
1. The Slaughtered Lamb

**_VIOLENT HEART_**   
Author: DesertDragon   
Rating: [R]sex & violence/angst & romance   
'Ship: Kaylee/Jayne   
Disclaimer: Mutant Enemy & Joss Whedon own all; all's I got is this shiny bottle of scotch.   
Summary: An incident on a trade planet induces some strange changes in Jayne, and they have quite the effect on Kaylee, who has found (after the events with Jubal Early) that she has affections for someone other than the good doctor, putting her in the line of fire when things turn violent. _Takes place after **Objects in Space**, so slight spoilers. Will eventually be 6 or 7 chpts. Oh, & this first one's not beta'd. Couldn't find one. If your interested to do the rest, please let me know._   
  
  
  


_CHAPTER ONE: THE SLAUGHTERED LAMB_

Prolog: _[Present day - 2517]_

Heat is a hard element to control. Especially in a confined space. Like Serenity. No windows on a ship. You can walk down the metal corridors and literally see and smell the air burning. Shimmering on steel. Creeping into your brain. Making you loopy. Kaylee was deep in the engine room, her palms so slippery, she kept dropping the wrench. It clattered to the grate a fourth time before she realized it was time to take a break. Too unbearable. A week ago the temperature stabilizers went crazy on ship, but thanks to the Captain (and the stop they made on Outpost 10) she now had the parts to repair her. 

_Should've stayed on 10, _Kaylee rambled to herself. _At least then we'd still have some fresh air to escape into._

But as it always went on this side of the 'verse, you fix one thing and something else goes wonky. Or make that some _one _else. 

Case in point: 

Jayne was sitting at the dinner table, one long leg propped up on a corner, the other stretched under the table, both shoe-less. He was pushed languidly back in his chair, grinning like a wildcat, a set of cards in one hand, and wiggling a sock-clad toe in the direction of Wash. 

He, Wash and Zoe were hoarding the kitchen, playing a game of Strip Poker. Playing for coin as well as clothes, not to mention ventilation. As usual, Wash was loosing. 

"Ain't no amount of cards gonna help you this time, Red. Just cough it up." 

"I feel so violated," Wash mocked, and slid off his shirt. 

Truth be told, Jayne wasn't much better off. Kaylee got an eye full of his boxers as she managed to slink past to the cooler unnoticed. 

"Argh. I think I'm rutting blind," Jayne mumbled at Wash, and glowered in Zoe's direction, who sat sweating slightly, but still fully clothed and grinning at her husband. 

"You'll be naked by lunch time, Darling." 

"Yes. Ain't that always the way." 

"Spare me." Jayne grunted. He then lost that all encompassing grin as Zoe threw down a full house. 

"Shirt," she said, pointing a carrot stick at him. 

Kaylee listened to these exchanges in amused silence, trying not to draw attention to herself as she scavenged through the fridge for the small stash of precious fruit and veggies that was brought on board days earlier after a particularly profitable trade. She shot a secret glance at Jayne and began to creep back out of the room. The way Jayne was acting of late was just downright unnerving. Oh, sure, on the surface he seemed like his ol', ornery, disgruntled self. But there were these little things. She wasn't even sure that anyone else had noticed it. But ever since they had taken flight from - 

There was a rough cough behind her. "Ahem. 'Lil Miss Frye." 

Kaylee froze, turning in his direction, seeing the last bit of the bikini clad pin-up girl on his T-shirt disappear as he ripped it over his shoulders. 

"If that gorramn thermostat you've been playing with is givin' ya trouble, why don'tcha git your ass over here and play with us?" 

Underwear and socks. 

That was all her mind could register. Well. Maybe not the only things. There was that awfully nice line of hair going down his ... _Argh, what's the matter with you, girl! Get a grip! Maybe it's YOU who needs to check into a bughouse._

She gave herself a good mental shake. "In your dreams. Besides. I cain't." 

"You got clothes don'tcha ya? Then you can play. Zoe's not making this very interesting." 

"My pleasure," Zoe grinned. 

All of a sudden, Jayne stood up and sauntered over to Kaylee, his near nakedness startling her more than she cared to admit. Zoe and Wash exchanged a glance. 

She backed up and hit the door frame, bumping her head and nearly dropping her cold fruit. 

He plucked at her coveralls. "Can't be wearing much under these in this heat, girl." He leaned in a bit closer as if to look down their front, and looked her in the eye and mumbled, "I bet you could give me a run for my money... So to speak." 

Jumbled, Kaylee came back to herself. Stuck out her chin. He was just pushing her buttons. Trying to get a rise out of 'lil Kaylee again. Great fun. 

"Yeah. And then some." 

But she didn't move from her spot. There was a heavy cut above his brow in the midst of healing, still very bruised, and it cast a darkness over his entire face. Somehow that was all her fault. Could feel it in her gut. _So many questions about that night..._ Quickly, she wiped the concern building inside her away, and pushed him back with a finger. "That hole in your head is making you wonky." 

And with that she managed to escape back into the heated metal that was Serenity. She stopped for minute outside the engine room door. Stared hard at it. There'd been an awfully good reason why they had to lift in a hurry from Outpost 10 before everything was fixed. They would've stayed put. But there'd been trouble. 

Was it really so much a change in Jayne that was getting to her? She hadn't been quite right herself since take off. Maybe even before. She looked down at her arms, all filled with chilled bananas and mangos; a luxury on Serenity. She thought briefly of Simon. And of Jubal Early. Then again on Jayne. 

Where was that extra layer of skin she used to wear around that man?? It had disappeared as of late, no doubt about that. Gorramn this rutting heat! She couldn't think straight. And just a week ago today, it had been the cause of everything....   
  


1. _[A week ago]_   


Outpost 10 was a fringe planet; earthy, vagrant, damp, and just this side of lawless. And it had one of the more frequented supply posts this side of the quadrant - Holy City Zoo, a literal plethora of all things trade-worthy (and not so trade-worthy). 

Lest yea forget the hardcore entertainment value - a large amount was available in all shapes and sizes for those not willing to pay too high or loose too much. 

"Jayne, ya really think Vera's necessary?" Kaylee asked, as they all escaped the sudden heat of the Serenity and strode down the ramp into the twilight of the sprawled city. Obviously it looked as though no one was foolhardy enough to stay with her ship and risk heat stroke; just as well. They were all do for a bit of a break, not to mention some fun after that last big trade. There was the little matter of a thermo stabilizer part, and then she'd be off, shopping. 

Jayne bent forward and grumbled in her ear. She wasn't sure if he just didn't want the others to hear, or if there was something else. "You don't know this place, Kay. I've been 'ere plenty. It's a gorramn bughouse." 

With that he strutted out in front of her, past the others, and toward the streets. 

"Wait a minute." Mal's voice rang out loud and steady. Jayne hesitated in his tracks, turned, and glared. 

"What?!" 

"YOU'RE going with Kaylee to find parts - " Jayne began to protest, saw that Mal wasn't humping around and shut his mouth, "- and stay right around here; no horsing around, ya hear? If I see you got Kaylee anywhere near the Slaughtered Lamb, we'll be having more than words." 

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." He kept walking, not waiting for Kaylee to follow, mumbling to himself about baby-sitting. 

"Don't pay too much attention to that boardhound, Kaylee," Mal was saying, hardly a comfort. "He knows the places to look here, you'll be fine." 

She swallowed; tried to toss the uneasiness from her voice. "Where you gonna be?" _....if I need you ...._

"Around. We'll probably be close to the town square." He squeezed her shoulder. "Take care. Stay alert." And he was gone. 

She clutched her pack, and tried to catch up with the mercenary from hell. 

The closer The Zoo got to a solid nightfall, the noisier the town became. This was all fine and dandy if your main goal in life was to blend in and avoid talking to your reluctant bodyguard. However, it made it a bit more difficult to search through heaps of discarded rumble and engine parts at the local junk yard. Made her irritated. Made her brain start working over time. 

Mal had always trusted her to take care of ship business on her own, even on the more seedy of worlds. And this one was just as seedy. Maybe even not so much. Reminded her a little of Persephone. Just slightly more wet. And the more she mulled it over, the more confused and angry she became. Wondered how exactly it was the two of them saw her. She cringed. They think she couldn't stomach the night life? _No_, she thought to herself. _Just this "Slaughtered Lamb". Whatever that is. Mal knows very gorramn well that I can handle myself! ...Well, maybe not in the extremist of circumstances ..._

Jayne had given up on looking much and had taken to watching her instead. For the past fifteen minutes. She must be getting real good at giving him the cold shoulder because it seemed to be finally getting to him. 

"What's eating you?" he growled at her. 

She didn't look up at him. "Nuthin." 

"Nuthin?? You got your panties in a twist 'bout something." 

"You best be leavin' my panties out of this, Jayne." Kaylee hovered over a heap at her feet, avoiding him. "I know what you'd rather be off doin'." He snorted, and Kaylee finally stood and faced, giving him the Look. "Cap'n knows it too. 'Suspect that this 'babysittin' job's a way to keep you outta trouble." 

He looked away, not anticipating her next question. 

"What's the Slaughtered Lamb?" 

He studied her a moment. Looked at her real hard. Seemed to come to a decision. Then only shrugged his shoulders. 

"Nowhere you need to be wonderin' 'bout, that's for sure. Just a place, that's all." 

"A bar? A brothel? I ain't dumb. It must have a rep if Mal tells ya to stay away." 

He ignored her some more and didn't see that she had already found the part she was searching for. He was not liking where this was heading. She had made her way over to him, obviously not done with being upset, but from the look on her face maybe he wasn't necessarily the cause of it all. In fact, that glint in her pretty little eyes was suggesting, yes, he definitely did NOT like where this was heading. 

"You can just put a plug in that curiosity of yours. You're not as tough as you'd like to pretend. Not tough enough to do what I think your thinkin' of doin', girl." 

"Just show me where the gorramn place is at. Mal ain't ever gotta know how I found it." 

"You think I'm dumb enough to git you anywhere near it, Captain or no? And why is you so hungry to upset Mal?" he asked curiously. 

"I ain't!" Kaylee was all indignant. She would never go against the man who gave her a job when no one else would. "I just wanna see what the fuss is about." She tipped her head to the side and smiled up at him. "'Sides. We don't have to go in. Then, once I seen it, you can take me somewhere 'tame' and buy me a beer. Relax. Partly what we came here for, right? Time off. Ain't no harm in that." 

Jayne looked suspiciously down at the girl before him as if he'd never seen her before. Not this side of her. At least not recently. And certainly not directed at him. This schoolgirl crap was usually reserved for Mal. Or that doctor kid. He clenched his fists. Unclenched them. What in the gorramn hell was she thinkin'? 

In turn, she saw a look of - what? Protectiveness? Was what she was askin' really that bad? - pass over his stony features, and he sounded downright solemn when he opened his mouth next, that she couldn't even bring herself to reach out and smack him. 

"What makes you think I'd risk that pretty ass of yours just to show you a lowdown, no good dirty whorehouse that's got a little bit of infamy attached to it? That's all it is, Kaylee." He shifted his weight from foot to foot, going all uncomfortable, looking a little defeated. "Come on... I ain't THAT much of a jerk, am I?" 

It accrued to her that he was, indeed, asking her this question in that simple Jayne-way that he had when he actually _wanted_ an honest answer. Almost child-like. But she took advantage of it. 

"Yep."   
  
  


2.   


Jayne kicked out at a pile of rumble in the dark, swearing in chinese, watching Kaylee disappear beyond the yard fence. When he said no, he meant no, gorramn it. 

Did she really have the gall to think he'd cave?! He thought there'd been a slight look of surprise on her face when he blew up at her just now. Well. Hell. He was tired of being taken advantage of! .... Not that he'd been a pillar of innocence, but it's not like Kaylee knew anything 'bout that. He hoped. 

"Oh, jun jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan..." 

Jayne took three long strides in the opposite direction. Came to a slow stop. Took out a cigar. Lit it. Stared at the glow against the darkness. 

Mal'd skin him alive if he let Kaylee wonder about this place at night. Alone. And knowing the party life on this twirlin' dirtball, he found himself not liking the idea much either. The girl was downright ... downright ... well, "insatiable" would've come to mind had he given it much of an effort. Nosy, was what he settled on. Trustin', was another one. Suddenly visions of her being tore to pieces in some dank alley by the local color turned his stomach, and turned him back striding in the other direction. 

She wasn't there. Nowhere in the vicinity. He took a turn through a makeshift alley way and successfully startled the old oriental dealer, who sat crouched behind his tiny counter, reading smut by a weakened yellow light. 

"Wuh de tyen, ah, you scare this old man! Where the hell you come from, beanstalk!" 

"A girl 'bout ye high, coveralls came through here? Pay for a piece?" 

"Yep." Went back to reading his literature, a toothy grin playing about the wrinkles. 

Patience wasn't one of Jayne's strong suits. 

"You see which way she went?" he growled, laying both fists on the table. 

"Oh, I KNOW where she went, son." 

Jayne grabbed a fistful of the man's shirt and nearly dragged him over the counter. "Don't play kate me, nee hwang chian!" 

"I gots landlords like anyone else! They pay top credit for a little piece of tenderloin like that ---" Jayne started to shake him. "She was asking about it! She was the one asking!! Quite persuasive that one! Argh!" 

The little man dropped, hiding, out of sight before Jayne was even off the lot, growling to himself. 

He could've just told her all the little, bitty important things way Mal didn't want her near it. Would she've listened to reason? No! Gorramn slave market. Can't a guy just mind this own business? Get drunk. Get laid. Why I gotta git all involved with this crap?! 'Cuz I'm a caring guy that's why, gorramn it... 

He headed eastward, away from shipport, and toward Yaowarat Road. 

The red light district. 

And on his way, he had the sudden sneakin' suspicion that someone was following him.   
  


3.   


Thick incense and aromas were assaulting Kaylee's nose the deeper she moved into the city, and she began to shed the apprehension that Mal and Jayne had tossed over the entire situation as she went - there were so many shops! 

She hardly ever got to be a girl! All this exotic jewelry! _I bet Inara would love this!_

She prattled on for ages through the narrowing streets, taking her time, noticing here and there that there seemed to be fewer tourists and traders. And more locals. Barrels of bright fire lit the walkways despite the dim old lanterns that swayed on every street corner. And the more merchants she spoke with, the deeper she had to dig to place certain chinese phrases and turns of dialect. The more fascinated she became, more isolated she felt. She stopped and bought some mochi from a nearby food vendor and tried to wipe away her anxiety with a spot of sake. 

She wanted to see this Slaughtered Lamb. At least she had certainly convinced the junk yard dealer she had. He had seemed more than eager to point her in the right direction. But now she as wondering how far away from the original town square she really was. Where the rest of the crew probably was at this very moment. And Jayne? 

Kaylee glanced back over her shoulder. Was Jayne following her?? She smiled at the thought (had that really been concern on his face?), though she wasn't quite sure why. All she had really wanted to do was get him worked up. She had, indeed, been peeved about all the over-protection. Played a little devils advocate, was all. Silly men. 

Seemed like if there was really any danger in checking this place out, they would've come right out told her. Just to scare her. But they hadn't really, had they? Despite the curiosity that carried her forward, she resolved to turn back soon, side-stepping a red billowing tent on her left that was turning the road crimson. The music in the air rose and fell in waves as the night breeze became stronger. As did the crowd. Maybe she was getting closer. 

In answer to this, a stocky man in a dirty white suit shoved himself into her and grabbed at her pack to right himself. 

Kaylee, instead of excusing herself, listened to her nerves and sent her mochi flying at him, rice tumbling everywhere. "Yeh soo! Git off, gorramn it!" The street was so crowded now, she had a time pushing him away. Why hadn't she learned kempo when her brother did? 

"Oy, mei mei! Oy!" The man, not any taller than herself and unshaven threw up his hands to ward her off, but Kaylee found the smile on his face condescending. Not to mention dangerous. She clutched her pack and took a step backward, balancing herself. 

"S'cuse me," she said curtly, and turned to go. And felt a muscled grip close over her forearm. "Hey!-" 

The man's breath was on her instantly, all sour with bourbon and gum disease. She flinched, her veins turning to ice. "Where ya goin', mei mei? We only jus' met. You looking for something, girl? It looks like ye are. A good time maybe??" He laughed and coughed; Kaylee felt him slide a hand down her backside. She swung out at him, the crowd around them purposely oblivious, but the man caught both her wrists and held them steady. "No, no, no, girly. You want what Rooy's got. Trus' me. I gots stuff to show ya." 

And from out of nowhere, he waved a large, shimmery piece of hard plas into her face - a hologram card. It's surface was blank and wavy. "Pretty ani't? Look familiar? I thinks this is what you've been looking for. I's certainly been lookin' for you...."" 

Then the pictures inside the hologram came into focus - there were three changing images, one morphing into the other; no words. The first was a young, white lamb standing in a meadow. The second was a girl... well, hardly a girl, really. She was what men would call a whore; she was very young, sweating, near naked and on her knees, a strap of leather around her neck. And the third ... 

Kaylee stared at it hard, unable to look away until she could make out what it was, and then, suddenly, she didn't want to see and realization hit before she could look away. Of course. A slaughtered lamb. But not just slaughtered. Skinned and strung out until you couldn't see anything more than red pockets of intestines and a skull. Lots and lots of red. 

Rooy licked his fingers and touched the tips of her hair. "I can show ya, mei mei. Why don't -" 

There came a grinding of metal on metal as a very large gun was cocked over her left shoulder, followed by a murderous voice she knew all too well. 

"Git that little pink thing away from my property." 

Jayne moved in behind her; a safe wall of stone at her back. Rooy, needless to say, didn't take an instant liking to Vera. 

Rooy's grip fell away immediately as Jayne advanced, but he managed to have the balls to look not too pleased. Kaylee felt Jayne slip a fist into her hair, and pulled her back against him roughly, her neck in an uncomfortable angle; she hardly noticed the pain or wondered what he was doing - she was too blinded by her sheer dumb luck. 

Rooy kept his eyes on Vera. "Just doin' business. She's fresh. Letting her wander about free an' all makes her anyone's meat." 

Jayne bent his head down over Kaylee's shoulder, barely glancing at the malnourished pimp, and made as if to smell her neck and hair for good measure. "This one here's mine, dong ma," he growled, yanking on her, making her wince. She didn't mind. "Ain't that so, darlin'." 

Vera disappeared under Jaynes coat, as Rooy backed off. "Fair enough. Not very smart if ya ask me," the little man braved, again. "Ass like that - you's need to keep it on a leash, mate." And then the crowd seemed to swallow him whole as Jayne let loose a string of chinese obscenities that drew more attention than his gun. 

The two of them stood there like that, letting their adrenaline escape out into the dankness, and he felt her sink back against him. Relief, rage, and a thick tiredness fought over his whole being and he stepped back and away from her abruptly. She turned to him with a shaky smile. 

"Jayne -" 

"He's right. You do need a rutting leash!" 

"Jayne!" 

He grabbed her arm and headed back the way he'd come. "Later. We ain't having this conversation here." 

She didn't argue with him on the way back down Yaowarat Road. And although he had eventually let go of her, she stayed back only a few paces - took to watching him. He seemed too distracted by something to be mad at her. In fact, he kept looking back over his shoulder. Not at her. Just looking. 

But for all she could see, it was just the plain 'ol night behind them. Nuthing hiding in it except for maybe a little regret and a longing for a drink. 

Finally, when they were about to come upon the town square, she had to ask. "What is it? Jayne. What you keep lookin' at? You don't honestly think that little twerp has the gall to follow you??" 

He stopped and turned toward her so fast she ran right into him. "No," he replied. His voice was rough, but indifferent, his large hands absently shooting out to steady her, his continued stare into the darkness suddenly a little unsettling. 

She laughed nervously, startling him out of his vacant expression. "Come on, gorramn it. I think I owe you one gigantic drink."   
  


4.   


The town square's local tavern had plenty of down and dirty exciting life in it for Kaylee. Yep. Plenty. 

She and Jayne sat across from each other, looking at their drinks, the rest of the crew seemingly nowhere in the recent vicinity. She knew they would pass this way eventually. 

Jayne had chosen the chair facing the door, and he kept glancing up at it. _His wheels seem to be turning awfully hard..._

She kicked him under the table, and was rewarded with a half-hearted scowl. 

"'Suppose we was lucky." 

He furrowed his brow. 

"Lucky, I mean, that there was only one low-life to deal with... Thanks." 

"Don't git all mushy. 'Sides, more guys just woulda meant that much more fun." 

She smiled at him. 

He wished she would stop doing that. He generally gave her hell for all her downright cheerfulness. But eventually it breaks a guy down. Makes him used to it. Makes him like it ... 

She was fishing in her coveralls, and he saw her visibly flinch as she pulled out a piece of paper. Or what he thought was paper. She tossed it at him, and it slid hard across the table and winked at him. A hologram card. He knew what it was without having to look at it, but he nonchalantly picked it up, nonetheless. He'd seen it around before. 

"Nice piece of advertising, ain't it," he said dryly, and Kaylee took a drink, rolling her eyes. He watched the girl and lamb. Raised an eyebrow, and muttered something that startled her. "Innocence destroyed." 

She narrowed her eyes at him, incredulous. Jayne waxing poetic? But then again, he was surprising her an awfully lot this evening. It was same thought she had had earlier, when she had first seen the damn thing. 

Oblivious to his own statement, he took a shot a tequila hard, and appeared to relax, taking in his surroundings. And the people. And the local women. 

Kaylee found herself amused. And a bit jealous. She paused briefly on this emotion and filed it away for later. She leaned forward, and kicked his foot again. 

"What!?" 

She was smiling at him again. A little more loosely this time, and he stared openly at her for a moment, mimicking her lean. "What?" he asked again, dropping the edge. He could tell she was getting a little drunk. He found this funny. Until the next question came out of her mouth. 

"Nothing. Why would you frequent somewhere like this?" She picked up the card in question, and twirled it about. "I know you're a big, mean and scary guy, Jayne - " 

"Pride myself on it -" ... a hint of a smile. 

"- but even this ain't your style." She spun the card on it's corner, and he slapped it down flat, his voice unusually soft. 

"Yeah it is." 

Again, she leaned in. "I don't believe that." 

He sighed, and found himself even closer to her inquiring eyes. "Life ain't a storybook, sweetheart." 

She blinked at him. Took herself too serious for a split second and retorted, "I know that." And sat back a little. 

_I know that ..._

Uh-oh. She's on the defensive. Crap. Now that mouth ain't staying shut. 

But she downed the rest of her drink, and avoided his gaze, only commenting again moments later as she watched some folks at the bar. 

"I know you better than you think I do, Jayne." 

She saw some local women at the bar. Not companions like Inara. But that's what they were there for nonetheless. She wondered briefly what he saw when he looked at _her. _Weakness? Like that bounty hunter had? Hell, she knew now in light of recent events the real reason why he and Mal didn't want her to stray too far. Kidnapping and slavery went unchecked on this world. She, and every other young girl and boy, were natural targets. But that didn't change the fact that none of them could bare to think of her as a real woman. Or was that just her own insecurities? 

She glanced over at Jayne. His eyes were on her, lips parted, all ready to say something to her- 

"Howz it?" Mal greeted them. The two of them looked up, startled, having no idea how long the Captain had been standing there. 

Kaylee stood quickly, swiping the hologram into her pocket before Mal could see it, despite the fact that she wasn't the one that had done the disobeying, strictly speaking. She threw on an ecstatic expression. "Hey, Cap'n! Havin' fun?! Where ya been off to?" 

Mal glanced from Jayne to Kaylee and back again. He pointed at his mechanics face and smiled himself. 

"She drunk??"   


5.   


Looking back on it now, Kaylee wished she _hadn't_ gotten quite so drunk. Then maybe she would've been paying more attention to Jayne. 

And how he even had Mal all nervous as they headed back to Serenity. 

But now it was too late; he was gone! 

One minute they were walking up the hard steel ramp. The night was dead all around them. It had been too quite. Like just before rain-fall. 

Then she could've swore she'd heard voices; maybe some vagrants arguing from a nearby alleyway (-and later the others claimed to not have heard a thing-). She had been the last one inside, ready close her up; so sure that he'd been right there on her heels (and, in fact, had been listening to this heavy boots behind her, on the metal). Then silence. 

She had turned and looked into the murky shipcity, panic growing inside her, the hair standing up on her and neck, and she reached for someone, anyone ... Mal! But he had already disappeared inside ... 

"Jayne?" 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Chapter 2 coming soon ....   



	2. Never Bet the Devil Your Head

**_VIOLENT HEART_**   
Author: DesertDragon   
  
  


**_CHAPTER 2: "NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD."_**

1.   


Kaylee stood in the hull, arguing with Mal. He was about to shut the ramp himself just to be stubborn; just to show his mechanic that Jayne and Jayne's business weren't no never mind of theirs at the present moment. But he just stood, arms crossed and jaw set, getting her more riled up than she already was. The heat in the cargo bounced off the walls and escaped into the overcast night, but she was already sweating. 

"We are NOT leavin' him here!" 

"No. We won't leave him." Mal turned and began to walk up the bridge, half turned, and glanced at her from under furrowed brows. "At least, not yet." 

"Mal!" 

"Get to working, Kaylee." And he disappeared up the stairs and out of sight. 

Hmph. 'At least not yet'. What the rutting hell was that supposed to mean?? She leaned back on a heavy cargo crate and stared hard at the floor. She had seen them - Jayne and the Captain - arguing at the bar before they had left. Or rather Jayne was going on, explainin' something quite heatedly, and Mal had listened closely, a growing frown on his face. 

And neither one of them were forth coming to her with any of it. Jayne was suspicious about being followed - she was sure of that now - and now he was gone. 

Was Mal so sure that he wasn't missing or in any danger?? She wasn't. And she didn't think Mal was convinced either. He was just looking out for the rest of the crew. Jayne must've really done something recently to have pissed Mal off to earn this kind of non-concern. Her bet was that if it hadn't been for the extreme temperature, he would've closed the bay doors and not thought twice. Maybe. 

She realized she was chewing awfully hard on a fingernail, and forced herself to stop. She stared blindly at the large bag with the ship parts in it that she had been lugging around all night. Her sudden concern for Jayne didn't seem to enlighten the Captain any. But it certainly enlightened her. Here was a man who usually seems so disgruntled with her, who often teased her incessantly (sometimes being downright mean-spirited), who could suddenly turn around in a blink of an eye and be there looking out for her, protecting her, making her laugh. 

Again, she suspected that the rest of the crew wasn't nearly forgiving of him as she was. But she was privy to a little secret. Jayne was all these raw things because he simply didn't know how to disguise who he was. 

And really, neither did Simon. And that was the problem. He made his opinion about her lifestyle known every time he looked at her. It was no wonder that the drama tonight was creating strange bedfellows. 

In fact, several hours later, trapped in the engine room with only Serenity's constant humming to keep her company, Kaylee couldn't take it anymore, and quickly found herself standing outside of the door leading to Jayne's bunk. She stared at it and ran both greasy hands through her hair. 'What am I doing??' 

Echoes of raised voices floated through the ship. Mal and Zoe. Arguing. She knew it was about Jayne. Then she realized the more appropriate question would've been to ask herself, 'Why am I not out there looking for him when no one else will??' 

The voice behind her was so clear and strong that it rang in her ears, making her jump. 

"He's asleep," River said, watching Kaylee from the darkness of the walkway. 

Kaylee took a step toward her. "River? Who's -" But she knew who. Chills ran through her like wildfire. "Where, River? Where is he asleep?" 

The other girl had the sense to look confused for just an instant. She tugged at her long hair - an illusion of naivety that Kaylee knew as false. 

"The long dark." River turned to join Kaylee's stare at Jayne's door. "Asleep with lots of fishes." 

Kaylee wanted to reached out, shake the younger girl violently, and stopped herself. She had never asked River how she knew the things she did. It had become incidental. They were getting to be friends now, as much of a mystery as the girl was. 

"River..." Kaylee found her voice trembling." Do you know what you're sayin'??" 

"Asleep." River insisted, and looked Kaylee steady in the eye as if warning a child. "But watch yourself. He'll be waking up soon." 

Trembling, Kaylee took a breath. She thought about the guns she had originally come after, buried deep in Jayne's bunk. "Do you know what happened to him? Just tell me -" 

But River had turned and was disappearing around the metal bend and out of sight. 

"Never bet the devil your head."   


2.   


Kaylee wasn't sure if the gun was loaded or not. But she didn't have time to stop and check. Mal and Zoe were close by and it sounded like he wanted to fly. Jayne was outta time. And so was she. 

But she was willing to bet he wouldn't fly without his mechanic. 

The smell of rain hit her hard as she snuck her way into the cargo bay. The ramp was still down, but she was sure the security sensors were on and activated. That was just fine - they would only sound off if someone entered the ship, not leaving it. 

But the rain was coming down in sheets. There may as well been a wall in front of her. She took a step through it - 

"Jen dao mei." 

Kaylee spun around and stared at the tall woman at her back. 

"I'm going to find him, Zoe. Somethin' ain't right." 

Zoe stared back at her hard and for a long while the downpour outside provided a little background music. And then - 

"Okay. Let's go." 

Surprised, Kaylee nodded and stepped into the rain.   
  


3.   


They didn't head directly to town square. After briefing Zoe on River's premonitions, they found themselves going around it instead, back where little light or clean smells awaited them in the dark. 

As Kaylee marveled at Zoe gliding through the blackness ahead of her, she wondered how absurd she was to ever think she could've done this by herself. Especially after her earlier mis-adventures with the local wildlife. Was her concentration on Jayne really that blind siding?? 

Suddenly, a horrible smell pierced the dust and the rain and it stopped them both in their tracks. 

"Argh! What in the shiny side of hell ?!" Kaylee covered her nose as best she could, and saw Zoe do the same, although a slightly amused expression seeped through the disgust. The stink came from a nearby alley, and Zoe took a long glance into it and turned back to Kaylee. 

"So. You really think this is a good idea? You're worse than the Captain." 

Seconds later a low moan and other mumblings came from the dark stretch before them. 

They spared a glance at each other while Kaylee struggled with her wits. 

"Jayne?" 

Piles of garbage - and low and behold FISH - assaulted the senses as they made their way through the brink labyrinth, the mumbling voice all the while growing in volume and slurred english and chinese obscenities. 

"Jayne!" 

Kaylee rushed to a slumped figure against the wall. Through the falling water she could plainly see he was bruised and filthy and her hands hesitated an instant before reaching out to touch him. 

He flinched, but didn't acknowledge her. "Bright red. Ta ma duh! They took her -took her away f--" Despite the pitiful state he was in, he managed to sound pissed. 

She took one look at her hands as they came away from his torn jacket and panicked. 

They were covered in blood. 

"Zoe!" And over Jayne's continued muttering, heard Zoe struggling with the com system in her hand. 

"Rutting thing. Won't pick up a ship signal. I've gotta get outta these walls. Be right back." 

"Gorramn .... took 'er-" 

"Jayne." Kaylee whispered gently. She could hear Zoe a number of yards far to her right calling for help, but she couldn't take her eyes off Jayne. She found that part of her wanted to cry. She knelt before him and reached out again, this time unafraid to touch him. She stroked his face; tried to make him see her ... please please please please please ... 

"Jayne. It's me. It's Kaylee. Who, Jayne? Who did they take?"   


4.   


The rain was red. So much red. Blood? How could he have let down his guard? And in a place like Holy City - he should've known better. And now she was gone. Vera was gone. Rutting bastards. 

His vision went dark again, but his ears took on a sudden sharpness. Voices. Females voices. He struggled. Part of his head was missing, and his heart ached as if laced with piano wire. 

Hands touched him. Rage! But he had no energy to fight. 

A familiar face through the rain. A familiar voice. 

jayne jayne jayne jayne jayne jayne jayne jayne 

Finally, he opened his eyes. Her hands were on his face - she was begging him. The rain was drenching them both, washing all red things away. Her face was so close. Her name formed in his mind, erasing all else. 

"Kaylee." 

Naming her made her his. He needed that. He felt stripped of everything else. He saw a light in her face through the gloom. So he said her name again. And again. Then the only thing left to do was cover her mouth with his, tasting her, startling her, kissing her - 

Making sure she was real. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Chapter 3: "Slow Burn" coming soon. * I'm almost positive there'll be more than kissing in the next chapter ;) * 


	3. Slow Burn

**_VIOLENT HEART_**   
Author: DesertDragon   
*lemon warnings* 

  


CHAPTER THREE: SLOW BURN 

::: _present time, amid much tossing & turning :::_

1.   


_::toss::_

Jayne sat on the end of his bunk, naked, staring at the wall. Couldn't focus. The heat was affecting the bump on his head. Kaylee had been right earlier. 

Kaylee. 

If it hadn't been for her, Mal would've taken to the sky. 

His vision cleared a bit. Saw the collage of girly pin ups on the metal wall. It was too rutting hot to jerk off. 

His head started to pound again and he crushed his brow with a fist. 

Mal had finally found it in his hide to be civil these last few days - said coming after him hadn't been on his list of priorities. The suspicious ghosts that were following his ass could've easily been after the Serenity and her passengers. Told him he was damn lucky to have someone like Kaylee's caring and concern in the first place. 

Jayne fell back on the bunk with a heavy grunt and covered his face with an arm. 

Kaylee was always giving out all kinds of caring and concern unsolicited, even to those she shouldn't. Like, in his holy opinion, the doctor. 

Or even him. Hell. There was probably plenty o' times she'd been right there by his side (even if she was pissed at him), and damn if he couldn't recall a single one up 'till now. 

He took his arm away from his face and suddenly the light wasn't so bad. Even the pain sang a little less loudly. 

He rubbed at his bruised chest and closed his eyes. 

'_Kaylee_.'   


_::turn::_   


Too tired to wash, Kaylee stripped down to her under things and flopped back on her bunk, hoping beyond hope that she'd be able to finish rebuilding the stabilizer in the morning, and that tonight, for once, she'd be able to fall asleep quick. 

That wasn't going to happen. 

Earlier, when she finally returned in search of some dinner, the kitchen had been deserted of crew and playing cards and it'd been a while since she talked to anyone but herself. 

Which was probably just shiny, as it was ... 

She hadn't been able to stop thinking about rainy alleyways, and that drunken, delusional kiss. 

Or how he had nearly lost consciousness again soon after. Zoe hadn't seen. She hadn't told anyone. And she didn't think Jayne even remembered. She pictured what Cap'n would do if *he* knew, and it wasn't in a nice way. 

And if Simon knew?? 

Under normal circumstances, she might've fancied Simon a little bit jealous for a change. 

But, as it was, she had a sinking feeling that his sister knew. 'Where's the rest of him?' River had asked when he was brought back on board that night, looking pointedly at Kaylee as if to say, Don't forget what I told you, girl. 

Kaylee hadn't. But maybe River's influence had been a tad heavy over her thoughts on Jayne. After all, anyone would be a little touched in the head after being mugged. Beaten. Robbed for your favorite gun. Not to mention, probably drugged three ways from Sunday. 

That seemed to justify his daily declarations of revenge on every living organism on the planet. 

'If we ever git back to Outpost 10, gorramn it ...' 

And so it went. And normality of space life continued. 

But not for her.   


_::toss::_   


Jayne bolted up in bed and was blinded by a carnival of red when he tried to open his eyes. 

He closed them quickly. 

He'd dozed off dreaming 'bout Kaylee and a long stretch of rain, and ended up smack in the midst of a war nightmare. Damned if he'd fought in any ruttin' war. What was all that about? 

Once his breathing slowed, he propped himself up on a pillow and lit a cigar. Eventually, his mind wandered back to more important matters. 

Entertaining thoughts of on-board female flesh used to be a favorite past time. It was a might confusing that now all those thoughts centered around 'lil Kaylee. 

A lot. 

Smoke circled him and settled in the tepid gravity. 

He smiled. 

He didn't think Mal would like that too much.   


_::turn::_   


Kaylee turned onto her side and stared into space, her thoughts turning raw as she headed toward a hazy kind of sleep. 

This was more than concern for a shipmate. There was this tingling like fear in the pit of her tummy. She felt it when she bumped into him in the corridors. Felt it when she walked in on him sweating on his bench press. And at the way he'd been staring at her across the dinner table. 

It was fear that burned real low and soft-like, and had the lofty ambitions of being a fever. 

Not at all like the kind of fear that claimed her on the hard grate floor of her engine room that awful night not so long ago when Jubal Early had crept on board. Although, maybe ... just maybe one of these fears was born from the other.   


_::toss::_   


His erection remained almost hard in his grip even after all of him was spent. 

He couldn't stop thinking of her. In all those ways. But, then again, there wasn't much in the way of an angelic conscious left to help him stop. 

And right now, she was the only thing making the pain go away and sleep more easy.   


_::turn::_   


_They were soaking wet, pressed against each other, her back all torn up from the hard wall at her back. That was nothing compared to the sensations of his mouth on her skin, the roughness of his beard scrapping her throat, and the night and rain all around them._

_His grip around her was crushing and exhilarating, and he raised her hips until her legs wrapped around him on their own accord. He rubbed hard into her, the clothes between them like soaking tissue paper._   


::thud::   


Kaylee fell out of her bunk and hit the floor in the hardest of ways, waking her from her dream. 

The recollection of it came back quick, stapling her to the floor. Sinking feelings and sighs abounded. 

"... Oh, no."   
  
  


2.   


Serenity had returned to flying the darkest and outer most fringes where she was the happiest and where her crew took to keeping to themselves, less they step on each other's toes and the only place left to go was the vacuum. 

For once, this was just fine with Jayne, who's aim was so normally bogged down by it's ever search for coin and own his gain. He had plenty of goals to keep him busy right now, and he didn't need those other bugbrains getting all up and in his way. 

This was a private matter. 

At breakfast, Kaylee sat across from him as usual, had eaten next to nothing, and spent most of her time keeping her tired face from turning toward his. She had announced that she had just finished piecing the stabilizer back together, and apologized that it had taken so long seeing as she had had to do it from scratch. The down side - it would take another good 18 to 20 hours for the temp to get to normal. 

Not the best news all day, considering. His head hurt worse today, and would continued to do so if the air kept raising in degrees. It was making him see all kinds of weird, and his heart still squeezed as if in a vice. 

He took a good guess on what would remedy that, but on his way to the engine room he ran smack into his lest favorite person in the world. And by running into him, he had knocked him clean off his feet. 

Jayne glared as the doctor gracefully struggled to his feet, managing to keep his passage blocked. Simon looked back at him rather surprised, catching his breath and having a time of it. 

"Move." 

"Not until you tell me what hell is wrong with you. Can't you look where you going? Or did you mean that to happen?" Simon was scrutinizing him awfully good and it just made Jayne more mad. 

"What?!" 

"You feeling all right?" 

"If I needed a doctor I'd go find me one," Jayne retorted and pushed past him. Stopped. And whirled on Simon again, his wide, muscular shoulders rolling as he advanced. "You know what? I _ain't_ feeling all right. You see, Doc, I got this awful feeling that that moon brain sister of yours has been sneaking around my bunk, taking things that ain't belonging to her. Whadda ya got to say 'bout that, huh?" And poked him in the arm hard. 

Simon sized him up a moment. "River wouldn't want anything of yours." 

Jayne smiled at him coldly and turned to walk away. "Yeah, well, I'm sure the Captain'd be right happy if he saw River with another gun in those murderous little hands of hers. That best not be the case, boy."   
  


3.   
  


Kaylee's stomach growled as she tidied up the engine room, if nothing else to shock the Captain. 

That was silly not eating anything at breakfast. But what could she do? With Jayne staring at her like that. As if he really did remember that rough kiss a week gone by. Maybe she should just confront him about it. 

As if in answer to this, she came across a greasy wash cloth, an ominous lump hiding beneath it. 

Jayne's gun. The one she had borrowed that night. She wondered if he even noticed a little thing like this missing in the absence of Vera. 

She should return it nonetheless. 

She picked it up and it weighted heavy in her hand. A shiver of cold shot through her that she must've ignored on the night she'd gone searching for him. She was no good at guns. Or rescue missions. An image of Wash and the Captain and Niska flashed through her head. What had she been thinking?? She could've killed them both! Thank god for Zoe. She should just stay put in this little room and stick to what she did best; machines. 

And suddenly she didn't want the weapon anywhere near her anymore. She'd had enough of them. 

Intending to hide it in her coveralls until she found Jayne, she strode to the door - 

-and jumped back as it slammed open all on it's own. 

"Jayne!" Good thing her finger wasn't on the trigger. 

"Hey!" He looked pissed and amused all at once, raising his hands in mock defense. "What I do this time?!" 

Confusion stalled her until she realized he'd seen the gun. 

"Oh." She held it up and let it teeter in her upturned palm, begging him to take the damn thing. 

He stared at her over it was if waiting for an explanation. But he knew without asking why she had it. Mock anger furrowed his brow as he finally took it, sticking it deep into his waistband and striding uninvited into her territory. 

"You could've just saved your little boyfriend a thrashing if you'd brought it back a week ago," he smirked, crossing his arms and leaning where he wasn't supposed to be leaning. 

Argh. The man was infuriating. Now she was looking at him for an explanation. 

Sheepish now - "I thought his wacky sister took it." 

She shook her head, momentarily forgetting her uncomfortableness. 

"He ain't my boyfriend," she said shortly, as if that was the end of that discussion and went back to straightening up. 

He stood there and watched her; she knew because she could feel his eyes on her and it irritated the tiny hairs on the the back of her neck. 

"You bored?" She tried not to look at him. 

"Nope." 

She rolled her eyes at him, trying to be nonchalant. There was something going on here. She thought she was ready for it. She wasn't. 

"Well, your in my way." She tried to move around him and to an assortment of tools at his back, knowing deep down it must've been a crazy part of her subconscious to do so because she found herself pressing into his side to get him to budge. 

Would've been a playful gesture at any earlier point in their acquaintance ... 

He was strong as a rutting ox and stayed put. She slowly realized what she was doing, and that his look down at her was not of the innocent variety. His breathing was steady, and the rhythm of it lulled against her, giving her the courage to look him in the eye, albeit from under greasy wisps of hair. 

They stood that way forever, all curious. He leaned into her; and she held her breath. His eyes were heavy and warm and complex when they were so normally not. Yet, she was intimidated to agree with everything they were telling her. 

He saw the acceptance in her eyes just as there was noise in the corridor outside. 

Before a presence at the door could interrupt them, he slid himself around her - she felt him all warm against her back when there was plenty of room to do otherwise in the cabin - nonchalantly picked up a wrench or two, and slowly made for the door. 

Inara was standing there. 

How much the Companion had seen, Kaylee wasn't sure. The look Inara turned on her as Jayne slid passed and out of sight said she'd seen something and was a trifle confused. 

"Kaylee. Was I interrupting something??" 

Kaylee smoothed her hair back and smiled. "No. Not at all. Just Jayne being Jayne. You know." 

Inara raised an eyebrow. 

"Mmm. And with your tools, no less. You're not honestly letting him fix anything on this ship, are you?" she asked amused. "We're too far out in space for him to break anything important." 

Kaylee laughed and turned her back, fussing over the mess she had on the floor and moving it to the bench. "Oh. Don't worry 'bout him. I think he's redecorating." 

"I do worry about him." 

Kaylee could see she wasn't fooling Inara one bit. 

But this time it was none of the Companion's business. 

If something *was* happening here, no one else stood to gain by knowing about it. 

Kaylee smiled at her empathetically. "He's had it kinda rough lately. He'll come around." 

Inara nodded as Kaylee moved past her and toward the dining hall, suddenly starving and wanting to be away from this conversation. She was too far ahead to hear Inara mumble after her. 

"That's what I'm afraid of."   
  


4.   
  
  
  


Once back in her own bunk, Kaylee stood in front of her mirror in a frumpled daze, surveying the mess, not feeling self-conscious until just now at the way Jayne had silently stared right into her. 

As she washed, she had a awful feeling that an invitation had been issued. And somewhere along the line, she had accepted. Or was about to. 

Flirting with Jayne was so far removed from flirting with Simon. When she pictured this happening in her mind, she was so sure Jayne would be all talk. But nothing was ever how it seemed. 

And thinking of Simon, she best be going to check on him. Who knew if Jayne was bluffing her about the supposed thrashing. 

Clean and minimally primped, she found the young doctor in the infirmary, note taking as usual. He didn't notice her. 

"Hi." 

The tap on the shoulder startled him. He saw her, let his gaze linger a bit, making her blush. 

"Hi, yourself." 

"Came to check on ya. Jayne said he'd run into ya." 

"Literally." 

Kaylee winced. "Oo. That was my fault. Sorry." 

Simon put his pen down and gave her his full attention. "Come again. I highly doubt -" 

"He was missing o' piece of artillery. You know how he is 'bout that. Anyway, I had it. Unfortunate for you, I took my time returnin' it," she smiled, trying for carefree and light and seeming nervous. 

He crossed his arms and returned her smile slowly. "Hmm. You had it." 

Before he could go on with all the things wrong with that picture, she quickly stopped him. "Yeah. Scary, huh." She didn't seem to know what to do with her hands. 

His smiled widened. He waited. He knew there was something else. "And you ..._just_ came to check on me?" 

Her lips parted. Could everyone see right through her today? 

"Umm. Actually. I figured you'd be alright. Heck, you always are. It's just that, I ..." 

"Wanted my further diagnosis of the man-ape?" 

She rewarded him with a dry look. 

He turned slyly away from it and pretended to study his notes. "Actually, there you'd be out of luck. I still have no idea what his little playmates pumped him full of. He _seems_ to be recovering..." He faced her again, slightly smug. "But who can ever tell." 

"Hmm. Gee. Thanks, Doctor." 

She couldn't help the genuine amusement that seeped through, although she tried to rein it in before she turned to go, leaving him staring after her. If she was going to do what she had set her mind on, things between her and Simon would never be the same. If there'd ever been a 'Kaylee and Simon' to begin with.   
  
  


5.   
  
  


Everyone seemed otherwise occupied. Serenity's corridors were calm, the heat hardly giving up it's struggle. 

Kaylee wished she could say the same. 

Jayne's door was nondescript, but she was seeing past it to a rain swept alley way all dark with blood and wind and fish. And her wrench set. 

Damn him. He'd gone and done this on purpose. Yes, it _did_ give her an excuse, but - 

No. No. No. 

Serenity needed fixing somewhere - she'd just go and find it. So what if she just got all clean. At least the machines made sense.   
  


6.   
  


Jayne went heavier on the weights than usual, and he'd been in no mood to ask the preacher to spot him. He was in the middle of a set when the pain happened. It seared his brain like lightning in a bottle. 

His arms locked and the bar was suspended and shaking above him. 

Five seconds. 

Seven. Nine. 

He was riveted to the spot, his back now drenched with sweat and sticking to the bench. 

Flashes of yellow, orange, then red lit up the room. Blank faces from a rainy night danced around him; unfriendly familiar faces. Couldn't make out any of them now. 

Jayne gritted his teeth in frustration, somehow managing to drop the weight bar back in it's cradle, sitting up way too fast and loosing his head. 

Damn if this wasn't the flu or heat sickness helping to ignite the bruises on his rutting skull. Might account for the short term memory loss - 

he shook his head to clear it; a dollop of blood hit his hand. 

Not to mention the nose bleeds. 

He used the towel on his shoulder. Slung it back when the blood was gone. 

Hell, even the events of the day were fading fast. 

And had he been to see Kaylee? The sensation of her was vague at best and he figured a wash and some sleep awaited him back in his quarters to help revive that little memory. 

So he was a little shocked and pleased all at once when he turned the corner and saw her fretting over knocking on his door.   
  


7.   
  


Mechanic won out over moonbrain in the end, and Kaylee stole her fist back to her breast, not brave enough to knock. An unexpected ache went through her; she wasn't sure if she'd ever be brave enough. 

She turned away and came to a swift stop. He stood there, at the bend in the hall, sweating in cut-off cargos and a t-shirt, watching her in such a way that made her figure she'd surprised him. Then she looked again. Maybe not. 

He knew. 

And she wasn't about to disagree with him.   
  


8.   
  


They were clumsy at first. Neither one could talk straight. So they didn't. His shirt came off first. Then her pants. It happened fast with all the momentum of a speeding train, yet somehow, he couldn't get over her lips. 

And her hair. He clutched fist fulls of it, kicked off his pants, and pulled her back onto the cot with him. 

No time for romantic pretensions or candlelight here. Or baths. 

Still in underwear and a tiny paisley cotton shirt, she pushed him back against the steel of his bedroom wall, and straddled him, marveling in his nakedness between her legs. He gripped her hips and pressed her into him and their simultaneous moans made them equally giddy and eager. His rough face and beard laughed against her neck and she ripped her shirt over her head, barely giving him time to access her breasts before pulling his face to hers and loosing herself in him. 

Couldn't think. Couldn't breath. 

He clawed at her back until she couldn't stand it anymore, and with one deft rip, tore apart her underwear and rocked into her in a single, violent thrust. 

The pain and longing of it didn't stop either of them. Been so long. 

It was the horrifying need he felt at the sounds of her moans and whimpers and her blind fight for control as she rode hard into him, that pushed him further out of all the painful red of the day and into the whiteness that surrounded her and he locked both arms around her in a death grip. 

The vibrations deep inside his chest of grunts and strangled sighs told her to let go, and she was so far gone when she came that all sound was lost to her ears. 

They sat that way forever, afterwards; her head nestled in the wet and wonderfully musty crook of his neck. 

Finally his grip loosened, and she let herself fall into his tumbled blankets, too hot to cover herself. He tilted his head back against the wall and said nothing, all the while watching her nakedness glisten in the garish light bulb over the bed. 

She must've dozed off shortly there after. When she opened her eyes again, his back was to her, his pants were on, 'though still unzipped, and he was watching her through a wift of cigar smoke over one shoulder. For once, she didn't disapprove of the smell. His smile was soft, but mischievous. 

"How can you sleep in this heat? Didn't you fix that damn thing?" 

She sat up, pulling herself up behind him and covered herself with the sheet he had obvious draped over her. Being mundane was the furthest from her mind. Her body hummed and ached as she situated herself, but didn't answer him. The smirk disappeared. Slight confusion set in as he continued to clean a very large knife. 

She knew how he felt. 

Her voice cracked small and hoarse into their quiet speculation of each other. "So you _do_ remember what happened in that alley. Between us." 

There was a long pause. And then - 

"Nope." 

Her jaw dropped a little. He could see that sexy and obvious overbite from the corner of his eye and raised an eyebrow at her. He couldn't put her at ease with the half-assed explanation that sat ready and waiting from his head. So he didn't. Instead, he settled on a slightly befuddled, "The last thing I can picture from that night is you yelling your gorramn head off at me in the junk yard, and me coming after an' rescuing your little ass." He looked at her then, in grim amusement. "And then the next thing I was told, you had come after me." 

She couldn't give him an explanation for that, either. She searched the hard, bruised face that was surprising open and trusting before her until he turned away with a soft grunt. 

"That was the stupidest gorramn thing I ever heard of. And you've done plenty of stupid things." 

"Excuse me!" She had a time of untangling herself from his sheets as she stood and faced him, tossing his cigar into the open toilet. "Like that time you -" 

"Oh, calm down, dammit." And he grabbed for the blanket she clutched around herself, leaving her suddenly naked. She ignored him and searched for her clothes. He stood and tried to get in her way, aching to touch her again, even accidentally, before she took off and hid from him the remainder of his life. 

All she managed to find was her shirt. 

"Where's my clothes?!" He pulled a torn pair of panties from his pocket as a peace offering. She grabbed for them, but he was too rutting tall. She only succeeded in getting herself all up and against him. And he smelled clean. How long had she been asleep? She calmed as a large rough hand cupped the back of her head, making her look up at him. 

His voice was all unsteady, and she liked that. "I ...do remember a little." 

She wrapped herself around him and couldn't bring herself to leave.   


--------------------------------   


Chapter Four: Hard Burn   
... is next. Relish the fluffiness in this chapter, dear readers. You might hate me after the next one ....   
Bwhahahahaha! 


	4. Hard Burn

**_VIOLENT HEART_**   
Author: DesertDragon   
rated R/17 *lemon warning & a itty-bitty Heart of Gold spoiler.*   
FEEDBACK MUCH NEEDED; PLEASE REVIEW!   
  
  


CHAPTER FOUR: HARD BURN 

  
  
  
  
  


1.   
  


While Serenity's insides cooled down to a soft simmer, Jayne's fever was heating up. He figured ain't no one noticed it really getting bad, except himself. 

And it was probably just as well that he and Kaylee hadn't gotten down to talking much about current developments. Which was just fine with Jayne. Not much good at talking anyway. Not much use for it in a situation like this. She had come to his bed every night for the past three days. Been awhile since he had that kind of attention unpaid for and unasked. 

Wasn't about to question it. But he found it a might strange that she hadn't had the mind to. 

Something wasn't quite right with all this when you got down to the bottom of it. 

He sat there in his bunk, itching at something under his skin. He looked down at the figure curled up in his sheets, asleep. Her breathing was slow and long. Lost to the world. 

Okay. So maybe he was questioning it a little. What was she doing there with him? There was this clear memory of the two of them staring at each other across a dirty table in a saloon on Outpost 10. It was the only image left in his head from that night that was coherent in the least. Hell if he knew what had gotten into her that night, 'cept a heap of trouble. 

And when she woke up this morning would he be out of her system? Or would she come to him again later that night? 

Without a careful thought of waking her up, he threw off the covers and got out of bed. It came with a learning that little Kaylee slept even heavier than the dead. She told him that she'd never felt so rested in her life sleeping there in his bunk. 

He turned to look at his reflection in a dingy little mirror that hung on the wall, a irritated growl caught in his throat. He scratched at it. 

Restful sleep, his ass. She'd had nightmares every night since. He hadn't brought himself to mention them. Didn't seem she might wanna remember them. Wasn't his place, no how. 

He stared at his God awful reflection without really looking at it, ignoring the beads of sweat on his forehead. There was a huge dark splotch on his neck. That's funny. He seemed to keep getting new ones. And this one itched like five kinds of hell. 

There as a sudden whimper from behind him, and he craned his neck around, already knowing what he'd see, his ailments forgotten. 

At first, she appeared to be untroubled. She lay where he left her. But it was a single act of clutching and unclenching a fist full of blanket against her breast that made him keep his distance. 

"Please. Don't. Oh...god, no." Kaylee continued this way, shaking gently and sobbing quietly into his pillow. Jayne stood there, strangely weak with a foreign adrenaline from watching her. Whole minutes seemed to fly by. They'll die away like the others, he told himself feeling a bout of uncomfortable coming on. 

There'd been enough dark details over the last few mornings that he knew what the dreams were all about. He wasn't the right guy to deal with that kind of hell. 

Then, in the midst of her sudden silence, he took a step toward her. 

Her voice was clear of sleep and cracked with fear. 

"All forfeit. There's nobody can help me." 

He couldn't control the harshness with how he shook her awake just then, and it was a tremendous effort to pull her back from wherever she was, and back to his bunk. 

"Kay... Kaylee... gorramn it... "   


2.   


"Kaylee." 

He knew her name. How could he know that? It was as if he had come from a deep crevice in her mind; some barren stretch of prairie long lost behind her where men didn't carry much in the way of bullets and where the roughness of their palms were enough to hurt and to set things straight. 

She looked frantically around to find the sky and found only the metal of Serenity instead. 

Strong, passive Serenity. 'He broke into you, too'. 

Why was she so sad? But she knew why. It was happening again. Where was the Captain? Where was Zoe? 

She was all alone - 

- with this dark, hard figure towering over her. She knew it was a dream now. His face kept on changing. It was like the weather on the plains back home, all rushing clouds and windy sky. Bounty hunter. Wildcat. A void of nothing. And then a face of a boy ... 

And it was speaking to her. 

"There's nobody can help you. SAY IT." 

All alone. A tremor passed, strong, as if it had traveled from the center of some planet. 

"There's nobody can help me." 

She waited for the promise to come - he had said he wouldn't hurt her if only she adhered to his rules - but it never came. Even that was lost. 

"Ain't nothing but a body to me," Jubal Early stated simply, his face melting and re-arranging. He wasn't just going to tie her up this time. No. "And I can find all unseemly matter of use for it... " 

Serenity disappeared leaving her in the black. Her arms hurt. He had them in a grip. 

"Kaylee!" 

She opened her eyes and even the murkiness that was Jayne and his bunk made her eyes water and burn. It was all fading fast. She reached out. Touched a well muscled bicep. Traced the tattoos there with a fingertip. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. 

He came a little more into focus and she saw how unsettled he was and trying not to show it. "Jayne." 

"Uh-huh." 

"What-t? Was -" 

"You was all frettin' over somethin." 

Just an observation. He wasn't asking no questions. 

"Don't suppose I've been making myself too welcome in the mornings." 

"Uh, now I didn't say that." A vague smile. 

She sat up and leaned against the wall thinking things over as her consciousness cleared a bit. She tossed an apologetic smile his way. How long before he gets tired of all this? she wondered idly, picking at the sheet. She was actually surprised at how comfortable she felt in this bed. She had many dawning revelations as to why that was, however confusing they might be. But Jayne wasn't that complicated. 

So why was he looking at her as if she had a third eye in the middle of her forehead, as though he wanted to ask her somethin' important but deciding against it. She didn't think Jayne had any kind of censor in that crude brain of his. Whatever it was, she wished he'd just come out and ask. She reached out to test what looked to be his feverish brow, and he stood up, pulled out the sink from the wall, and began to wash his face. 

She sighed, feeling all of the sudden like she had to explain something. Something he might not understand. Where to start? 

"You know when we all went to rescue the Captain from Niska?" Of course he knew. He just looked at her, wiping down his front with a towel. It had just been in a days work for him, and she told him as much. 

"Well, it wasn't for me. I ain't no good with guns. You know that. But I wasn't about to stay behind." 

He watched her, eyes narrowed, wondering what was coming. This was the most they had talked all week. It made him wary. She could see this. Maybe this wasn't exactly the story he was expecting to hear. He opened his mouth - 

"Wait a minute-" 

She stood and got real close up on him, held up a hand, hardly expecting it to quiet him. But then again, maybe it was just her nakedness. She had to try to get this out. She was getting tongue-tied. Would he really understand this little need of hers? A need that had been nagging at her since before Early came on board. A need that could explain why she was here with him now. Because she knew for a fact that he couldn't (or more than likely - wouldn't) handle all the other stuff that had resurfaced inside her head as of late. 

"The shepherd heard you holler for cover, and before I knew it he and Simon had left me all alone..." She threw up her arms. "Just up and left me. That gun might've been filled with water for what good it woulda done. I was a little angry later. But then I realized it wasn't at Simon. It was at myself. Hated feeling like that, all helpless. Never wanted to feel like that again... But, I -- I -" 

She was looking through him as she talked, not seeing. He reached out gently, reflex and need coiling in his belly, brushing his fingertips over the edge of her breast. She didn't flinch or move away. Just stood there baring herself to him, and it only made him want her more. Was this about her needing him? It sure wasn't nightmare talk, like he was expecting. He could see she was getting a little flustered. Light dawned on the situation a little. He wanted to stop her before she got all mushy on him. 

"Hey." 

His rough voice cracked through her reverie. She looked up the length of him. Was suddenly aware of his hands on her. Felt the warmth through out her body. He seemed relaxed now. But she didn't think he *really* understood. Not completely. She sighed inwardly. Ran a hand through the coarse hair on his chest. Tried to speak again. 

"I ... just -" But his mouth was on hers and his hands had found her face and were inching through her hair with a fierce strength. Pulling her to him. She could feel him, hard against her belly, and she reached down, stroking him with one hand and gripping the back of his neck with her other. He was on fire! For an instant, she thought to pull away, look him over, make sure he wasn't going crazy. But she was already lost in him. She wanted him inside her. All that strength that she so desperately wanted for herself. She wanted it all from him. Now. 

He picked her up and set her on the edge of the sink. She spread herself apart for him and leaned back against the cold mirror, shivering, finding her balance as he fell between her thighs. He found her breasts with the roughness of his face. He nibbled at their erectness; playfully at first, then all hungry - like he couldn't get enough of her. 

"Jayne!" She hardly recognized her voice, begging and near delirium. She thanked god that Serenity's walls were so thick. He watched her face as he entered her. Long strokes at first. Keeping it steady. But only a few seconds were gone before they both needed more. The sink shook beneath them, vibrating through their bodies. She kept one hand on his chest, and one for herself and it gripped the sink as if to crumble it to pieces. Deep, hard thrusts drove her head back against the mirror. Kaylee closed her eyes against the intense pain and pleasure ripping through her. She was loosing her breath. But strength was gained from the sounds he made over her; hard and audible grunts and moans. And he began to say her name, over and over again, uncontrolled and relentless, like that night in the alley, and for a single instant he was hers and that was more powerful than anything, even going for hard burn in space. 

Even afterwards, he continued to rock into her gently, whispering - burning up - and she closed her lips over those saying her name.   


3.   


One hand on the ladder, on her way up, she stood there, slightly flushed. An awkward pause. Smiling. But not really looking at him. She reverted back to small talk again - '... was he going up for breakfast?' - and - 'she should get going; Capt'n might be looking for her'. 

Her sudden shy rambling didn't matter to Jayne much. He sat there numbly. Nodded at what he assumed were the right places. The loud hurt in his head had crept back. He saw her lips moving, but he was watching a silent picture. She didn't seem to notice. He watched her go; was thankful when she finally did. 

He couldn't keep appearances up for much longer. 

He sat there forever afterward, praying the buzzing would stop. There was static in his head that was talking to him, none of it making a damn bit of sense. He gripped his ears until he thought they'd bleed. 

He knew something wasn't right. But he didn't care anymore. His neck and shoulders itched. Now that he was alone, there was no Kaylee to distract him from it. The bruise on his throat had grown to a bump. Or at least, that's what it felt like. 

He closed his eye's against the voices. They were getting louder. 

And the bump was moving.   
  


4.   
  


The vacant shuttle was cool and musty with unuse, but Mal put her to work on rewiring it's faulty grav boost; something there had been no time to do until recently. 

Kaylee sat Indian style before a large hole of her own making under the main console, staring absently at the jungle of colourful wires. 

It was like looking at her insides - confusing, even for her. 

At this rate, she'd never be able to tell jayne EXACTLY how she felt about him - she reached into the tangle and tore out a pair of yellow and red wires. Everything was cut and dry with him. He'd never understand. 

Maybe that was okay. She doubted anyone else would either; her smiled was lopsided in the semi-darkness as she thought of the rest of the Crew finding out. Highly amusing and frightening pictures leapt to mind. No words; just pictures. And none so surprised as Simon himself. 

But how could she explain? The exhaustion of being caught up in the intensely blind courage that surrounded River had left her wanting for more ... especially when the incident with Early had found her lacking in it. She began to covet what she couldn't find within herself. It was no wonder that the attraction to Jayne grew so quickly that it even surprised her. It was so simple. 

And private. So private that she hadn't been able to put it into those exact words for the one man who was making her feel this way. But she was glad for the impromptu lovemaking; it had spared her an embarrassed rambling attempt that surely would've failed. 

"Ouch!" 

Kaylee yanked her hand out from the tangled mesh to find a large gash across the knuckles. She put it absently to her lips before the blood could drop. Argh. It was deep. A sudden wave of guilt washed through her as she thought of a trip to the sickbay, and she sighed. 

She hadn't meant to go on to Jayne so much about Simon and the incident at Niska's. She'd just been venting and confused, and she had never really felt any resent at all toward the doctor for rushing off to help the others. How could she? But Jayne certainly didn't need any help with his dislike for Simon. 

And that was assuming he cared for her enough to bother.   


5.   
  


Jayne wasn't sure what he was looking for. The stillness of the cargo bay that afternoon was rudely interrupted by his fevered mumblings as he thrashed his workout equipment about, tipping over a stray crate or two in the process. 

He barely heard anything around him. Just the rushing of a blind need to search and destroy the innocent cargo of geniseed. 

Gorramn it. He'd lost something. Something devoutly precious to him. What the hell was it. 

That he could not think of it was driving him insane. Literally. He barely stopped to wipe the sweat from his face before talking the ramp stairs three at a time. Stopping. And coming back down. 

Voices. Not in his head this time. He peered down the cramped stairwell that led to the Infirmary. That was Kaylee's voice. She was talking to someone. He inched closer, the metal of Serenity whispering underfoot. 

A tint of sadness laced her words as she spoke. He suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to see her face, so instead of listening on the steps, he crouched outside the Infirmary windows in the upper corridor. 

Her hair shined in the harsh incandescent light of the medical bay as he looked down on her. On them. The young doctor stood before her, seeming to bandage Kaylee's right hand in a swath of gaze, also listening intently. 

He should've known. 

And was it just him, or was that meddling little weasel getting her Tallinn' 'bout her nightmares? 

Blood had stopped flowing where he clutched his knee, his jaw frozen in unadmittable jealousy. 

So she couldn't talk to him. So what. Did he really want her too? 

Hmph. That was besides the point. 

There was a name she kept mentioning here and there that he didn't recognize. 

Dasque. A boy. How long ago was this?? 

The facts were lost on him as a strange coloured anger curled in his belly.   


6.   


Vulnerable. Raw. 

The pain in her hand was nonexistent in comparison. Simon. Had she really just said all those things out loud? What was it about that boy that she'd invested so much trust? Despite his sometimes condescending nature? She stood outside the Infirmary, staring at the bandage and not really seeing it. Distraction came a moment later. 

Jayne. He was acting so erratically, how could she not know he was there? It was as if someone had released an angry moose in the cargo bay. 

He'd been listening. Decided to play like he hadn't been. And angry seemed to be an understatement. At her? At Simon's attention? Had she missed some sorta personality change since this morning? What the hell was he looking for anyway; he was messin' her ship up in the process. 

"Jayne." A careful voice. 

Maybe he hadn't heard. "Jayne." More forceful this time. 

"Gorramn it. Someone took her! I know it!" 

"Took what? Jayne?" 

She made the instant mistake of trying to calm him down - never touch a rabid dog - by resting a bandaged hand at his back - he was on fire! - and something sparked in her mind - 

"You mean Vera?" 

It was like lightning the way he gripped her offending hand in his, crushing it till it bled again, and staring her down as if he couldn't see her. 

"Where the fuck is she?!" 

"Jayne! Stop it! You're hurting me!" 

Something snapped his his eyes and he released her instantly, focusing on her in confusion. But she'd had enough. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" Kaylee held her hand to her chest, the pain ebbing away as her anger at him grew. 

She for-went shock. Took a threatening step toward him. He was sweating. Out of breathe. Her words were like venom. "I don't want no part in this. Ya hear me!?" 

The strongest thing she'd done all week was to just walk away.   
  


7.   
  


Mal had been on one of his hunts for Kaylee when he found Jayne. 

The corner in the Cargo Bay was strangely darkened and Jayne sat silently on the bench press, his back to Mal, and head in his hands. 

Mal took a step toward him and something crunched under foot. 

Broken lightbulb. 

"What's all this then?" His moves were nonchalant as he stepped into Jayne's view. 

"It fell." Came the dead reply. Jayne didn't look up at him. 

Mal thought about letting it go. But Jayne's attitude was just too strange as of late. Mal crossed his arms and stayed put. 

"Wanna tell me what's going on with you lately." It wasn't a question. 

Jayne looked up at him then, a dark smirk on his face. "Why don't you mind you're own business?" 

Mal had known Jayne a while. Had gotten used to the joyful sullen presence that was the wonderful Mr. Cobb. But he'd never seen him like this. But Mal barely flinched. 

"Ya know, it's been more than a week since we pulled you outta that gutter back on '10', and you still ain't lookin' too pretty." 

"You're words hurt me, Captain." 

Mal glanced about them and saw many other things amiss and tossed about. They were too far out in space to have them selves a little soap opera. "Nor, have you seemed to remember anything about that night. Now. I find that a little odd, don't you." 

Jayne stared hard at him then, most of his features in shadow. "...What makes you think this has everything to do with lil' ol' me?" 

There was something to the way he said it that made Mal's blood run cold. But he let Jayne keep going. 

"You have an awful lot of enemies, Mal." Jayne stood up, his dark, full form slumped slightly like an old monster from a moving picture. "Come on," he shuffled toward Mal and into a slice of dim light. "Just cuz someone followed me down a dark alley one night, don't mean they was after me." He pointed hard at Mal, barely touching him. "You just can't admit that maybe someone got to your precious crew after all." 

Neither of them moved. It was a stand still. Luck of the draw. It gave Mal a chance to really see him. And what he saw, he didn't like. Hard veins coursed in his neck and jaw in a fever; his eyes clouded and hard. 

When Mal finally did open his mouth, it was in warning. "Get yourself together, or go see the Doc." 

Jayne smiled, and stepped back in avoidance, the tension slipping away. "That ain't happening, Capt'n." 

"I ain't offerin' a choice. 'less you like the idea of taking a walk outside." 

Jayne stepped through a corridor and threatened to disappear. "It's a might hot in here nowadays, anyhow." 

Mal couldn't agree more.   


8.   


The dinner table was all a bustle with noisy activity for which Kaylee was grateful. 'Don't look at him, girl. Just don't look at him." 

She was pissed. 

He sat across from her, like he always did, but he was staring hard at his mashed potatoes for once instead of her. 

Good. 

Yet, scary how he seemed so suddenly subdued. Just the fact the he had the balls to sit there at all was awfully brave. 

Brave. 

She began to catch bits and pieces of Wash's ramblings from the other end of the table and they began to break down the wall she was creating around herself. It was warm and rambunctious conversation and their words began to wrap around her like a soft blanket. It had begun with the lighthearted dilemma of just how many woman had actually made a pass at him since his marriage to Zoe which had her and Book and Simon listening with amused interest. 

"The last time I thought a woman was hitting on me, it saved my life." 

"Do go on, dear." 

He smiled. "Wait a minute. Maybe Kaylee should be telling this story!" 

"Excuse me?" she mumbled, surprised, around a mouthful of food. Unseen, Jayne chanced a confused glance toward the other end of the table, his face suddenly becoming animated and mirroring her question. 

"Ah, come on, Kaylee. We've all been spouting on about our heroic deeds. It's your turn!" 

"....What?" 

"Don't play coy, darlin'. Okay, I'll tell it, since ya all are being modest. We're at the Heart of Gold, and Kaylee starts askin' if I think she's prutty - " 

"Don't editorialize, darling." 

"- and the next thing I know, we're racing off together toward Serenity. About to rev up the engines and save the day! We shut ourselves in, and right away, all excited-like, she throws herself at me!" 

"Yeah. Just in time to save your butt from being shot all to hell." Kaylee smiled ruefully. 

Wash ran a hand through his unruly hair in mock surrender. "Just like a woman. Always gotta have a reason." Then, as the snickering died down, he look down the table at her in sincerity and said, "Still. Pretty brave. You saved both our butts." 

Kaylee looked down at her food, hiding a faint blush. It was nice just to be included in their camaraderie, not to mention being at the center of their tale telling. It was warmth and safety that had gone missing from the last few days, she realized, and it had been substituted with heat and want. And not often she was referred to as brave, hence her current situation. 

"Well, I don't know about that," she muttered, still smiling into her plate. She caught sight of her bandaged hand and glanced unwillingly up at Jayne, however, briefly. "Ain't ever really given anyone reason to be saying I'm brave, of all people." 

The others were oblivious to the sudden uncomfortableness in the air between the two. To Kaylee, Jayne seemed to be dealing with some sort of inner struggle as his gaze on her went from soft to jaded. 

Finally, he started back into his food with a huff. No one else saw it coming. But Kaylee was armed and ready when the growl emitted from his mouth - 

"Stop feelin' so ruttin' sorry for yourself." 

The handful of mash potato hit Jayne square in the face before anyone had a chance to react. The table was deathly quiet as they all watched Kaylee storm out of the room.   
  


9.   


She had wanted to go straight to Inara when she left the dinner table. She was almost glad that the Companion hadn't seen that little display of immaturity. The men made her feel enough of the child to begin with. Well. Jayne and Mal at least. 

But she'd stopped herself. Again. She'd end up tellin' everything. Inara just would not understand. Not about Jayne. 

And although she, herself, may have reason of doubting the sanity between her and Jayne, she didn't want anyone else making those decisions for her. 

She'd gotten herself into this blindly. But, gorramn it, if she was going to end it the same way.   
  
  


10.   


He hated to admit to it, but maybe Mal had started to get through to him a little. It was just like another itch under his skin. It was easy to keep the rage flowing, the state he was in and all. Just as it seemed easy, in his usual Jayne kind of way, to stay pissed at Kaylee, just because she was pissed at him. 

Jayne prowled the upper corridors outside the adjacent shuttles, inside one of which Kaylee was no doubt taking out her anger on Serenity. 

But it didn't work that way. Mal was right. Something WAS wrong. And he didn't want Kaylee around him when a line was crossed. In fact, a moment of clarity was bringing about the notion that he should simply push her away and be done with it. 

He stared at the vacant shuttle door. 

Obviously there was a part of him not letting that happen. And maybe it was a selfish part of him. Hell. Let's not kid ourselves. He was 99% selfish. 

He was an asshole. 

But an asshole that hadn't meant to hurt her.   
  
  


11.   
  


"Can I come in?" 

Kaylee felt him at her back, watching her there where she was back on the floor of the shuttle, under the main controls. 

"No." She kept working. 

He came in and shut the door. 

Her jaw set, but she ignored him and kept working. 

"Don't know why I should, but I think I need to explain some things to you." 

Kaylee sighed. Already he was on the defensive. That left her the offense. 

"Get out, Jayne." 

"I ain't budging from this spot. Look at me, gorramit." 

Well, at least he's managing to put sentences together. Still. 

"Gunkai," she muttered. 

"Shénme??" 

"You heard me!" 

Heavy footsteps behind her were his only response, and suddenly she was pulled to her feet. That he did it gentle-like made no never mind to her. She was furious and her chinese was slurred as he pinned her arms tightly at her sides as he held her still. "Chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo!" Damn him. He smelled like mash potato and grease and sweat. And why was she calming down? Because he was whispering to her now, his voice all painful : 

"Zhùzuî. Zhùzuî. Shhhh. Kaylee. Gorramn." And finally. "... Please ...?" 

She stood against him like that forever, wondering what was coming next. Slowly, he let her arms go and all at once the absence of his touch caused a chill. She silently turned the curses on herself instead. 

She watched his face carefully; he seemed to be looking her over - her arms - the bandage hand that was now dirty from work. 

"Duìbùqî." 

An apology? From him?? She wanted to touch him. Didn't. Shook her head in wonder. 

"What's happening to you?" 

"I don't know. Look. Just. I don't know. I gotta get through this." He picked up her wounded hand in his, treating it gently, and she let him. He took to looking at it instead of her face. "I don't give a damn if you believe me or not. I ... I would never ... intentionally hurt you. Trust me." 

She didn't know what to say. But he took it as a negative response and got all huffy. She took her hand back. "Or don't! Gorramn it, I ain't ever asked nothin' from anyone, especially no woman." 

She turned away from him. Walked toward the console. The colourful lights twinkled back her in the sudden indignant pause. 

"Hell. You can see I ain't no good at this. I didn't mean that." He stumbled up her her. Gingerly put his hands on her shoulders. 

Would she have responded were it not for the sounds of desperation's in his voice? 

"Just stay 'till ya hear me out." 

Finally she turned to him, intensely curious, with what had to be a huge question mark on her face. "Okay." 

He took a deep breath. "You remember that time, a whiles back, that gorramn Fed got careless, put a bullet in your belly -" 

It wasn't really a question of her not remembering, so she kept quiet, intrigued. 

"Well. You never knew it. But those hours they was working on ya, making you better, I was there. Watching. I couldn't stop. Not till I knew you was okay. And watchin' real close, making sure that liúmáng doctor wasn't some sort of butcher. If he'd made one wrong move, I woulda - " 

She let him go on a little while, repeating himself, trying his hardest with words to make her believe. And she did. She couldn't help herself. She never knew. All this time. That he'd cared enough for her, even way back when. She touched his chest. Found his frantic heartbeat. 

And now she watched him as he spoke. Even in this dim light, and suddenly she saw how bad off he really was. His eyes never still. His skin shaking. Face withdrawing as he ran out of words. It filled her with fear. 

"Jayne." She clutched his face gently. 

His eyes stared into hers as quick as they were fading out. He was passing out. "Would never want anything to happen to you ..." 

"I know, Jayne. I think we should get you back to your bunk." Her arms went around him, and she led him through the dimness to the shuttle door, her work forgotten. 

"Wô hên hâo," he mumbled. 

"No, you big bèn dàn. You are not 'fine'."   
  


12.   
  


He had fallen asleep content (at least as well as *he* could be) knowing she was there with him in the darkness. Her breathing was slow and steady like a lullaby. He had curled a finger into her hair on his pillow as he dieted off. She had put a cold towel across his forehead, before getting into bed with him, after he refused any meds she offered him, and after he'd more than refused to let her examine him or any of his newfound bruises. 

After that, he didn't remember much else about that night. 

Only a vague sensation of being torn deep inside himself and making an idle observation on just how unexpecting little Kaylee really was.   


13.   


Mal strolled the corridors of his ship, the talk he'd just had with Zoe repeating itself over and over. 

It was about Jayne. 

And when Zoe had said, "I think we should check on Kaylee," Mal found himself walking toward the vacant shuttle at a renewed pace. 

The doorway was open and dark. 

He poked his head inside. "Kaylee?" 

Empty. 

It *was* late. She was probably asleep in her bunk. This was silly. What was Zoe thinking? Jayne would never lift a finger - 

Something strange was glowing on the floor in the darkness, near the pilots chair. A flat disk that was changing colours. 

A lone postcard perhaps, fallen from someones coveralls. 

From the Slaughtered Lamb. 

The infamous advertisement crackled and died in a cough of sparks as Mal drove his boot heel into it. 

Then he turned, heading for a certain mercenaries sleeping quarters. He and Jayne had something personal to discuss...   


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

last chapter coming soon - I promise.   
w/ a short 'sequel' to follow. 

Feedback much needed. Thanks for reading.   
  



	5. Fevered Pitch

VIOLENT HEART   
(5/6) Chapter Five: Fevered Pitch   
by DesertDragon 

1. 

Serenity cut through the silence of stars like a fish, swimming all alone in a great black ocean. The glow from her engines fluttered like fins, bouncing off of nothing. 

Nothing except for that one sudden reflection off of a hard surface in the distance, all unseen. 

A big dark, gray something that camouflaged itself with Serenity's ocean. 

Stalking her like a shark.   
  


2.   


She had reached for him in the dark later that night. 

The rungs on the ladder leading up had a slow glow about them that only made the deepness of Jayne's bunk that much blacker. 

She couldn't have know what would be waiting for her; what was seemingly asleep right there next to her. 

How much time had passed then, as Serenity swam in space, all unknowing of the black hole that had opened up inside of her, inside the dark little bunk in the middle of the night. 

For Kaylee, surprise came first when the thing there in the dark engulfed her in lust. 

Then came the blind power of the thing. The ripping, raw power. Its hunger was the only thing in the room. 

It bore into her body. Fierce. Hard. Seeking something that was not her. Seeking a way out. Sucking all the strength he ... no, IT ... had given her; the strength that had bound her to him. 

She couldn't stop it. Confusion and numbness prohibited her to. 'Lay still', she told herself, conjuring the image of a lizard in the desert. 'Lay still, blend in. Don't fight the thing that is tearing all the love from inside you. Lock it up.' 

Because, deep down ... somewhere ... she knew that the thing that had answered her touch in the dark ... Was. Not. Jayne.   


3. 

Wash couldn't sleep. Zoe was restless. It made him restless. He sat at Serenity's helm and listened to her hum. Everyone was seemingly tucked away for ship-night. No one to play cards with or tell anymore of his sudo-heroic stories to. He glanced at a tiny, old set of plastic action figures on the console to his left. They stared solemnly back at him, asking for attention. 

They seemed to be blinking at him. 

...Blinking at him?? Tyen shiao duh? 

The console under their little feet blinked a dull green. Wash leaned forward quickly and wiped the toys aside, staring down into the radar screen. The light was fading away and he had missed the coordinates. He waited. Nothing returned. If there had been something out there in the dark, the proximity sensors would've gone off. 

Just a glitch then. 

Wash sat back in the pilot's chair and continued to watch it, frowning.   


4.   


A small shattered piece of the Slaughtered Lamb postcard cut itself into Mal's fist as he strode to Jayne's bunk. 

As luck would have it, Mal need not bother to knock. There in the darkness, Jayne was climbing out and pulling the door shut. His back turned. 

Goody. 

Jayne looked up. Mal's fist came furiously at him. Jayne twisted backward as knuckles connected to jaw bone. 

Mal's face burned, but he'd barley broken a sweat. "Hwoon Dahn," he growled, and tossed the shard of hologram at Jayne's face as the larger man stood. "What the fuck did I tell you about taking Kay-" 

But Mal never had a chance to finish. Although not completely surprised, he lost his footing as Jayne rushed him and threw him up against the metal wall, hands clutching at his throat. His knee caught Jayne in the gut hard, and he roared something unintelligible. Mal saw his chance and threw his whole body into the mercenary, sending them both tumbling down the nearest stair well.   


5.   


Kaylee sat on the edge of Jayne's bunk. Numb. Naked. She didn't have to see the bruises to know that they were there. She could feel them on her arms. If she would have braved a look, the shapes there may have appeared to be of large hands. 

Can't think. Not right. Not Jayne. Not ... No. Just cover them up. It will go away. Can't think about it now. Out of sight. Out of mind. 

Her shoulders were sore as she slipped into her coveralls and climbed the ladder. Afraid of whom might see her. And afraid of what she might see.   


6.   


The yelling had brought Zoe, Book and Simon to the cargo bay, only to find Mal and Jayne deep in blood and bruises of their own. They twisted together, weaponless, on the grate floor, both too far gone to realize they had company. Although one thing was clear. 

Mal was no longer fighting out of anger; he was fighting for his life. The thing that looked like Jayne wouldn't stop. 

"Book!" Zoe shouted as she and the preacher rushed the pair before they killed themselves. They gripped Jayne and pulled. Mal saw his face in the hanging lights of the hold and he yanked himself back. One eye was completely white, and it looked at him as if still seeing. The same side of Jayne's face was crushed. But that didn't stop the rage. It had suddenly dawned on Zoe that Mal had drawn his gun. She braced herself as he took aim.   
  


7.   


The green light from the radar kept flickering at him, teasing him. Pissing him off. 

Wash was bored enough to run a diagnostic. Something wasn't right. Nothing in the sky as far as the eye could see.   


8. 

Kaylee came into the cargo hold just as Mal raised his gun at Jayne, and heard Mal mutter, "This ain't natural," as a bullet exploded into Jayne's knee, shattering bits onto the three that held him. 

Before she could react, Mal was calling to Simon. "Doc, think we're gonna need a pop!" 

"On it!" 

Somehow still standing, Jayne bellowed, hardly subdued, and Kaylee concentrated on Book's voice, although she seemed to have gone deaf momentarily. Book was trying to talk some sense into Jayne like he'd done this all before, but to no effect. Suddenly Simon was there again, pressing a steel instrument into Jayne's neck and firing it. Jayne rocked against them, and everyone braced themselves. 

Kaylee's brain whimpered to itself; no more. 

Jayne fell to his knees, oblivious to the shattered bone and pool of blood. His lids fluttered. He coughed and something dark trickled from the corner of his mouth. River broke the strained silence from the doorway; Inara right behind her. 

"Just a game." 

And that's when it happened. Jayne looked right at Kaylee, and it was as if a thick blanket had been pulled away. It was as if he could suddenly see all of her, all her sorrow, and a flood of humility and comprehension covered his face. As if he knew what he had done. 

"Oh God," came the strangled groan, and up with it came a rush of blood and bile from his lips that would not stop. 

"Let him get it out!" Simon shouted, and only Book didn't seem confused. 

A white cocoon like thing fell from Jayne's mouth in the last of it and he collapsed, all unconscious before the writhing thing ever hit the floor.   
  


9.   
  


Wash was under the front console searching for why the proximity sensors were blocked when he heard the gunfire, bashing his head, and swearing loudly. 

"What the hell???" 

He stumbled to his feet, fighting vertigo to find the door, and ended up facing the large stretch of window and space instead. 

He blinked to clear his vision. Beside him, all ignored, the radar lit up bright green. A sparkling line of all things shiny filled the window. 

"Holy sh-" Wash dove for the pilot controls. 

They were about to crash headfirst into a Scrap Belt. 

  
10.   


While Zoe and Book got Jayne to the infirmary, Mal and Inara watched repulsed as Simon crouched down to examine the dying parasite that had escaped from Jayne's weakened body. It was about the size of a large carrot, but flat and transparent like something from a long lost ocean. 

Kaylee kept her distance. 

Mal, who could've lent a guess as to what it was, but chose not to, had his gun still exposed and at the ready. He'd blast the gorramn thing on principle alone if he had any such inclination. His question for Simon died on his lips as he looked at the young doctor. "You know what this is." 

Simon looked hard at the captain, and then in the general direction of the infirmary. " I think so. And if I'm right, we all should be dead." 

With a violent jerk, the whole ship twisted crazy. Bodies went flying and Kaylee was tossed sidelong into a pile of carefully stacked crates. Seconds later, she felt Simon's steady hands and worried expression helping her back to her feet. 

Mal got his bearings and headed for the bridge. "This day keeps getting better and better."   
  


11.   
  


Serenity's power flickered dangerously, threatening to cut out completely. Kaylee could feel her winding down, the life leaving her. She struggled under the console, searching frantically for a solution, listening to Mal and Wash argue above her over choice in flying technique. It was just the three of them on the bridge. 

"Someone's been screwing with the sensors, Mal!" Wash exclaimed once Serenity was a safe viewing distance from the ship graveyard. 

"Not sure that explains a scrap belt sneaking up on us." 

"It's more than the sensors that have been tampered with." 

Mal turned his attentions to Kaylee's coverall-clad legs sticking out from under the console. 

"Is it fixable?" 

"Possibly not from here. But, I'm trying, Captn," came the distant reply. 

Just as her words faded on the air, the power dimmed completely, killing the strobe effect inside the ship. 

Mal turned to the hard plas of the cockpit window above them. Cold starlight was all that poured back at him. Until something else besides scrap and space inched into view and was obviously closing in on his ship. His body tensed. 

The ship slinked out of the scrap belt, as if it had been waiting in a most unkindly manner. He saw the grate of the grapplers and the huge rust colored bulk of metal that served as a private salvage class ship. A ship he knew. His immediate thought was not on the why. Or the who. It was of Jayne, and how he'd been right all along. Someone had gotten to his crew. 

They had gotten to Jayne. 

Would he have known they were being shadowed if he hadn't lost control of the mercenary? 

Mal clenched his jaw in pain, and decided not to answer that. Instead, a soft voice behind him did – 

"I know that ship."   
  


12.   


While Simon calmly hurried about the infirmary, with the aid of Book and Zoe, patching up Jayne's gunshot wound, Inara stood at the unconscious man's side, watching him in silence. 

Jayne didn't seem to be completely under the anaesthetic. He wasn't awake. But he was fighting it. A soft anguish covered his hard features. It was something Inara never thought she'd see, and probably would never see again after today once he was awake. If he ever could wake up. 

Through it all, he was rambling. Gibberish, mostly. But some of it she was able to decipher. "Followed", she was able to catch, and "not safe." 

But mostly what he kept repeating was Kaylee's name. 

The others in the room were seemingly oblivious for the moment. But when Inara looked up, River hovered in the doorway, her face blank and unreadable as she met her gaze. 

Inara stared at her from sometime before Simon's voice broke her concentration. 

"He's going comatose." 

Inara glanced down and laid a hand gently on Jayne's now-still form. 

Her prayer was for both he and Kaylee. 

13.   
  


"I know that ship." 

Mal turned to Kaylee. She had crawled out from under the console and had been absently wiping her hands on her coveralls. Now she stood quietly, gazing, with what Mal could only assume was resignation, out at the SS Walden. 

"What?" he asked. "How could you possibly - ?" 

But Kaylee did get her chance to explain right away. Three things happened simultaneously: 

The power came on. The proximity sensors went off. And the Walden stopped in its tracks. 

She watched as the two very large magnetic grapplers that had been reaching for Serenity hesitated and froze, outstretched, in the sudden wake of Serenity's power. 

It was a grim reality that Kaylee could relate to. 

Wash quieted the sensors and turned to Mal. "Should I –," 

"No," Mal replied, not taking his eyes off Kaylee. "Don't hail them. Now that they know we're not dead in the water, let them alone to re-think their actions." 

Kaylee returned Mal's gaze in wonderment. "You know who they are, don't you?" she asked. 

Mal rested his hands on her shoulders. "They ain't anything but a bunch of scavengers, Kaylee … Scavengers who think that Serenity owes them something, sure. 'Though that don't change the fact that we've just made their job a little harder by not being dead already." 

Mal saw the struggle on her face to ignore all the ugly theories behind that loaded statement, and settled on his next question. Although, somewhere deep down in his gut, he was already cold with the answer. 

"Where'd you last see that ship, Kaylee?" 

A small tremor past over her and was gone before she answered him. "Outpost 10." 

Mal turned from her and back to the Walden. It was keeping its distance for now. But that didn't make it any less trustworthy. Gorramn Jayne. What had he gotten them into back on that damn planet? He had a better head for danger than that. He'd been trying to tell him something at the tavern in Holy City Zoo, that someone was tailing him. Then he disappeared in the way back to the ship … 

He'd been mugged and drugged. That was obvious. Even then they'd known he was drugged. 

But by the crew on the Walden? That was Mal's past. Not Jayne's. He'd been so nervous that night; almost as if he'd had a ghost chasing him. His own ghosts. Jayne didn't know the crew of the Walden. Did he? Yet suddenly Mal had to wonder – hated to even admit – that maybe the Walden was just an unhappy coincidence. They were in a Scrap Belt, after all. 

Too many questions. 

"Are we runnin'?" The question could've come from either his pilot or mechanic. He knew they were waiting for his decision. But it was Kaylee who asked. He looked at her evenly over his shoulder. 

"Are we able?" 

"I think I've made her ready enough. Serenity can out run that pile of gos se, no doubt about that, Captn." 

Mal smiled at the pale twinkle in her eye, and realized that a lovely blood red gunfight was out of the question this time, despite his gut reaction to the contrary. He'd just have to deal with Captain McDowell of the SS Walden some other firefight. 

---   
To be continued …   
Please review. Thanks.   



	6. Infrared

VIOLENT HEART   
(6/6) Chapter Six: Infrared   
By DesertDragon   
  


1.   


It happened slowly, the waking. No one even noticed at first. It felt to Jayne as if he'd been climbing out of a black and purple void. The ceiling of the infirmary came into focus eventually. He was alone. 

Had he been in his mind right away, he would've cursed the fact it was Simon and River who discovered him as being part of the conscious world again. 

The doctor didn't say anything. River might have. Jayne wasn't in the mood to give a good gorramn just yet. Simon went about his business of checking his stats. It seemed to take him awhile. He seemed to be taking his time notifying the others. 

He tried to move and groaned. His leg seemed to have a hole in it. 

Interesting. 

He couldn't remember it getting that way. But he started to remember other things. Ruttin' hilarious how clear his mind seemed all of a sudden. 

He promptly turned to a waiting bedpan and threw up. 

River smiled.   


2.   


"The big one's awake." 

River wafted through the kitchen and disappeared again before anyone had a chance to react. All those within earshot stopped their current activities and headed down to the infirmary. Inara stopped when she realized that Mal wasn't following. 

She waited patiently. "Are you coming?" she asked softly. 

He stood in the deserted dining area his mind elsewhere. He seemed to be warring with himself over something. She watched him knowingly. Over the past week, Mal had confided in her a bit regarding his ideas toward Jayne and the Scrap Belt. But whether he'd actually confront Jayne with any of it seemed to be a moot point. 

"Mal?" 

He snapped out of it. "Yeah." He met her gaze for a minute before smiling dully. "This will be interesting." 

When they reached the infirmary, Jayne was on his way to sitting up. As he eyed Mal steadily, Inara looked around and realized that everyone was here, with the exception of Wash. And Kaylee. She sighed, and felt Mal push past her. 

"Hey. How's the knee?" Was all the Captain would manage at Jayne for the moment. Yet he smiled. 

It threw Jayne for a moment, who was still shaking off grogginess. Finally, he smirked and huffed half-heartedly. 

"Won't be thankin' ya anytime soon, Cap." 

Mal watched Jayne for a long beat. There seemed to be nothing left of the strange rage that he faced off with in the cargo hold. His eyes were tired, but clear. And worried? 

Mal had been staring so long; it was making Jayne nervous. 

Book stepped in and broke the awkwardness. "How's your head, son? We've got some good theories on what it was that you'd been drugged with. As far as who -," 

"How about you? You got any ideas? " Mal interrupted keeping his voice light, staring at Jayne over crossed arms, and Jayne looked back and forth between the two of them. 

"Uh, not hardly, Cap." The reply came with the usual confused Jayne expression. 

Mal wasn't completely buying it. But he'd let it slide. "Just how much do you remember. You've been a bit off kilter for a while -," 

"That's just him," River chimed in briefly and Zoe smiled, but Mal went on – 

" - and we've been off-planet for even longer." 

Jayne was silent a long time and he took his time looking at all the faces in the tiny little medical bay. Inara saw him register that Kaylee was missing from the welcome back party. 

Jayne nodded at Mal. "Outpost 10. Someone jumped me. It gets a might fuzzy 'round the edges after that. But I 'member us air-borne. And Kaylee fixing the temp stabilizers and it being rutting hot for awhile." He trailed off, glancing around again, nonchalantly. "Where is Kaylee?" 

Mal had to hold from interrogating him about the Slaughtered Lamb. Instead, he said, "She's looking after Serenity. She's got some patching up to do." 

Jayne was still for a moment – Inara caught it – and he gently shrugged it off. But he jumped two seconds later as Book laid a hand on his shoulder. 

"Well, it's good to have you back, son, regardless. You had us worried." 

"Uh. Yeah. Like I said. Don't remember much." 

"It'll come back to you," Simon retorted innocently over his shoulder as he studied one of the screen behind the examining table.   


3.   


Kaylee sat on the grate steps leading down the infirmary, listening quietly. 

For past week, she could only get as far the common room outside the infirmary to watch Jayne through the glass. She'd never been inside. 

Simon had wanted to examine her bruises after they had crashed into the Scrap Belt, and she would have none of that. She suspected he knew more about where they really came from, as it was. 

But it was, of course, more than that.   
Or she'd thought it was more than that. Was it possible he didn't remember any of it? 

A slow coldness began to creep over her. The conversations in the infirmary continued a bit longer. But she'd heard enough. She stood as silently as possible and made her way back deep into Serenity. 

She'd been taking care of Serenity after the incident in the belt, patching and searching for how someone – whoever that person or thing was- could've gotten so close to Serenity as to render her defenseless. 

The irony and analogy was not lost on her. 

She was assured of one thing. The thing that had taken her in the darkness that last night they were together hadn't really been Jayne. At least not his fault. 

A drug. So simple. Yet so difficult to believe. She'd heard Book and Simon theorizing on what it was. But that did not interest her. Beyond explaining some very erratic behavior (even for Jayne), it still did nothing to lessen the standard pain. 

She had theories of her own about what had happened Holy City Zoo and Outpost 10. She had been the only one around him planet-side, after all. It's where all the trouble started – where everything started. When he met up with her in the red light district on Yaowarat Road, she knew someone was following him. Even then he'd acted so strange. Uncomfortable. 

The Captain must've known it too. She remembered, despite her drunken state, Jayne trying to convince Mal that something wasn't right. And then he was gone. 

She heard him say it. 

He remembered Outpost 10, but little else. 

After repeating it to herself for a third time, she wondered: was she trying to convince herself? It would be an easy end to all of it. If he hadn't been thinking that first time he brought her into his bed… If that hadn't been intentional… 

She was torn. She didn't want all of that to be for nothing, but … 

She didn't want his pity. Maybe this was for the best. Let him forget. Answers would be lost. 

But thought it was impossible any of them would ever get all the answers they were looking for. There might never be any resolution. Best to let it go. 

But as she picked up a wrench and went back to work, she realized Jayne wouldn't let it rest so easy.   
  


4.   


"Mal doesn't think that Walden crew drugged Jayne." 

Book sipped his mug of scalding liquid and peered at the good doctor. They now had the infirmary to themselves. It barely took a day of poking and prodding and Simon couldn't keep Jayne in there even if he wanted to. 

"Do you?" 

Simon shrugged. "It's possible." 

The two of them had been batting ideas back and forth nonchalantly as if they were predicting the weather. But both knew it ran much deeper than that. Mal wanted it all dropped for now. If anyone had any heavy-handed opinions, they could keep them to themselves. 

So they were. 

"Ever since my sister and I came on board, I'm afraid the Captain has had to keep an extra pair of eyes in the back of his head. It's made him … overly wary." 

Book smiled. "I think he's always had that habit." 

"Maybe. But having the Alliance out there doesn't help matters. It's making him see things in the shadows that may or may not be there. That salvage ship wanted revenge. It could be as simple as that." 

Book made a noncommittal grunt. "Hmm. Could be…." 

"Kaylee said she'd seen that ship in port with Serenity on Outpost 10. She recognized it. That's too much evidence for me." 

Book's smile was getting obnoxious. "And the drug…" 

Again, Simon shrugged. "Nothing unusual about it being on the street. Especially in a place like Holy City Zoo. The only use criminals would mainly get out of it is how it disarms the victim, mentally and physically." 

Book walking over the microscope on the desk where the specimen from Jayne's body rested in a dish of liquid. 

"Dicrimzinyne." Book muttered its name under his breath as he stared down at the lifeless little enzyme. "You know. I seem to recall that it's had other uses. Alliance, perhaps?" Book turned to Simon innocently. 

"I wouldn't be surprised." Simon came to stand next to him, his thoughts briefly drifting toward River. "Experimental, if at all." 

The two glanced at each other briefly, letting the words dissipate in the air between them. 

5.   
  


Jayne managed to adjust the fresh wrappings on his knee without wincing. But he had other things on his mind besides getting even with Mal. 

Hell. He probably had no right to think about getting even at all. He most likely owed the crew the skin off his back. 

He eased off his bunk and grabbed for his shirt hanging by the sink. He paused briefly and stared back down at the rumpled bed sheets. He didn't know what he expected to see or what it would conjure. There was only his own indentation there on the pillow. 

Just his. 

He hadn't had the balls yet to go and find Kaylee. Was she avoiding him?   
Stupid question. 

All the others seemed to forcibly except the fact that he was a little fuzzy on the details of recent events and had left it at that. But that wasn't exactly the truth. 

He could remember more than he'd let on. But only slightly. When he tried to remember too much, his head still hurt with the effort and that red curtain came flowing back. After effects of the drug lingering, he assumed. 

Outpost 10 was crystal clear. Someone was following him into the red light district as he tracked Kaylee. He had tried to tell Mal later that night. But the ruttin' fool wouldn't listen to him. Of course, he'd left out a pretty important piece of information. He was fairly gorramn sure that the pimp who attacked Kaylee was with the others that were trailing him. Hell, if he had left that part in, Mal would've certainly listened then. 

After that, it started to get hazy. Except for Kaylee in his bed. That seemed to be real. There were dark feelings rumbling around inside him to prove it. But even those were vague. 

Then a question popped up in his head that he didn't want answered: how much had he hurt her? That was something that he didn't want to remember. 

He pulled the T-shirt over his head and climbed up the ladder, steeling himself for the inevitable. He had to find her and set it straight. If she hated him, he could take that. That would be just fine. 

He wasn't liking himself very much right now either.   
  


6.   
  


Once you get yourself emerged in Serenity's inards, it's not easy to be found. Lots of hiding places. 

You could loose yourself if you wanted to. But Kaylee had an excuse. She'd found the patch where the ship was breached from the outside and was diligent in making sure it wouldn't happen again. 

She wasn't surprised that Jayne came looking. Only that he found her so quickly. 

Okay. So she wasn't the only one being diligent. 

She heard him at her back. Not too close. She could have turned, and had no problem finding him. She'd hung a few high-powered work lanterns about on Serenity's pipes for her to work by. But she had no intention of seeing him. If he was seeking her out, he probably remembered more than she wanted him to. So she kept working. And when his voice cut through the hiss of the small blowtorch in her gloved hand, it was all she could do to keep going.   


7.   


"You weren't there when I woke up." It was a statement, not a question. It sounded lame, even to him. But he let it go. 

She had her back to him, crouched over a small blaze of fire and smoke at her fingertips, working away. This far into Serenity, the heat was pronounced and definitely not benefiting from the newly repaired temp stabilizers. She wore a long sleeved shirt and her coveralls rested at her hips. She was nuts. 

It was then when he saw it; the bandage that poked itself from her neck line. She was hiding something. 

He took a step toward her, but her voice stopped him. 

She even turned the torch down low so he could hear her. 

" I've had work to do. Sorry. But I hope your feeling better." 

The torch once again blazed to life. Dismissed. 

Not if he had his way, he wasn't. 

Despite the fact that she sounded genuine, her body language was giving her away. 

"I'm sorry." He knew his voice was loud enough to carry. But she ignored him. He took a step forward. 

"Stop." She killed the torch. "Don't." 

"Don't what?" 

"Apologize. There's no need." 

He advanced on her, cautiously, before she could resume what she was doing. 

Startled, she stood and faced him, causing one of the lanterns to swing lazily. The brightness hit him full on and he knew she could see every emotion on his face. He hid nothing from her. 

"Stop." 

He didn't. 

"Stop!" Her plea was weak, but he finally did as she asked. A cloud of red threatened to engulf him again, but maybe it was just the effect of staring into the blaring light. Either way, his vision cleared as he focused on her. 

He backed off. 

"Do you even know what you apologizing for?" 

She seemed so resigned. Like she didn't care if he answered. Or like she didn't want to hear the answer. 

He stared at her for a long heartbeat. If he hadn't felt so resigned himself, he'd have felt a little pissed at being pressured. It was all he could do just to face her. 

But he had to do this no matter what she thought of him in the end. If he held steadfast to the arrangements he'd made with Mal before coming in search of her, he would be sticking around much longer anyway. 

Did he know what he was apologizing for? 

"No." His voice broke the silence and he didn't like the way it sounded. "No, I don't." 

He watched carelessly as she turned away and began working again. It was a few hammers and clanks later that she spoke again, her voice strained. 

"Nothing? There's nothing you remember?" 

That could've been a note of hope in her voice just then. She was upset. But her body said that everything hinged on his one question. 

He agreed. But that didn't mean he could find it in his worthless hide to tell her the truth. 

He knew now that he couldn't. Oh well. Once a bastard… 

"No." 

The torch blazed to life again effectively ending the conversation. 

Jayne backed away until he was at the hatch opening. He crawled through and leaned against the cold metal on the other side and listened to the distant sounds of her hands on the ship for a very long time. 

Sometime later, he felt Serenity pull out of hard burn. They were close to planet-side. Just as he'd asked. Mal had been a little too happy to oblige, in his opinion. 

He pulled away from the metal wall, and stood looking at the hatch a moment longer, knowing full well that they wouldn't be resuming the conversation anytime soon, and she probably wouldn't want to hear him anyway. 

"No Kaylee." He spoke to no one but the ship. "I remember everything." 

~~end~~   


Teaser:   
"Violent Surrender"   
Sequel/Ficlet   


He couldn't remember the name of the bar he was in. Just that it was somewhere near The Slaughtered Lamb. It probably wasn't the best place for him to be. But the only place he thought he'd find any answers. 

Jayne stared at the bottle of whiskey before him and wondered how long he'd been sitting there. He was now two thirds of his way through the bottle. 

He watched the crowd before him milling about in the dusty air and let his mind drift to a particular piece of fantasy that had been haunting him as of late: 

The crowd thins just ahead of his table and a figure is standing there. She's sought him out. Not to save him from anyone inparticular. Okay. Maybe himself. She's walking to him across this dirty bar. It's Kaylee. She looks changed somehow. Grown up. She'd wearing a dusty white tank top. No bra. A holster and jeans. 

She looks fantastic. 

She approaches him, her eyes soft. She comes to stand between his legs and runs a stray hand behind his ear and into his hair. Her eyes seem to say, "Everything's okay now. And I need you." And she slinks down into his lap, her full lips brushing over his – 

He was suddenly jolted out of his stupor-filled fantasy as a brawl broke out behind him. He growled. He was ready to ditch this place. 

Jayne stood unevenly, still nearly a head taller then anyone else in the room even slouched and drunk. And that's when he saw her. 

Kaylee. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Coming soon …   
Please review. Thanks.   



End file.
